Every Wednesday night, I confess my sins to a couple of the students in the youth group I lead. I share how I raised my voice with my 4-year-old or how I covet the house across the street. No one freaks out. No one laughs. No one throws out silver-bullet advice. A student next to me calmly asks if he can pray for me. I nod and he does, asking God to give me felt forgiveness, healing, and repentance. Then the student to my right jumps in and confesses his sins, and another friend volunteers to pray.
The load on our shoulders lightens. We don’t try to be impressive. We’re here to be honest and walk in the light.
Power of Confession
Recently, one of our youth ministry graduates, a leader at his campus ministry, thanked us for making confession a regular rhythm in the youth ministry. He told me, “Walking in the light has been the catalyst for all my deepest college friendships.” Another young man pulled me aside after a Bible study to confess a life-altering sin that had haunted him for over a year. Our tears of sadness turned to joy as the Lord met us in that moment.
The load on our shoulders lightens. We don’t try to be impressive. We’re here to be honest and walk in the light.
Why is practicing times of regular confession—especially in youth ministry—so powerful?
First, these times remind our students of the gospel. In Christ, we have “redemption, the forgiveness of sins” (Col. 1:14). When we verbalize sins to a Christian friend who prays for us, this reminds us of our Savior.
Second, walking in the light is powerful because it’s countercultural for middle and high schoolers. Teens inhabit a performance-driven world. They navigate curated and dishonest spaces, and they can feel like every report card and Instagram post must be flawless. But when they’re walking in the light, they can stop being impressive and embrace being known.
Answers to Objections
When I’ve told other youth leaders about our walking-in-the-light practice, most are hesitant. They have a list of concerns: “That’s great, Vince, but it sounds unbelievably messy. I like my job. I don’t want to get fired this early in my tenure. What will parents say? What will immature kids do? Worst of all, what will they confess? What if one confesses to having suicidal thoughts, watching pornography, or sleeping with his girlfriend? Worse, what if a leader confesses one of those things?”
Here’s how I answer those concerns: it’s far more dangerous for our ministries to be places where students hide sin than for them to be places where students confess sin. After all, confession is a New Testament imperative.
It’s far more dangerous for our ministries to be places where students hide sin than for them to be places where students confess sin.
John doesn’t mince words with those who conceal their sin: “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. . . . If we say we have not sinned, we make [God] a liar, and his word is not in us” (1 John 1:8–10). Often, our ministries implicitly teach students to hide their sins, not confess them, but this cultivates hypocrisy, not healing.
Having said this, leaders who raise objections about walking in the light ask good questions. Many have seen confession in accountability groups or other contexts go off the rails or become harmful. For this reason, our youth ministry has adopted a set pattern for times of honesty—a pattern we’ve adapted from what our leaders at Immanuel Church first cultivated for times of confession with adults.
Pattern
We set aside 15 minutes for groups of fewer than six students (and a leader) to practice confession, and we teach our leaders the following rhythm:
1. Leaders set the tone with Scripture. We read 1 John 1:7: “If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” Then we read James 5:16: “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”
2. The leader models confession: “Here’s how I blew it this week.” The significance of this time won’t stick unless the youth see leaders lead by confessing real, specific ways they need Jesus and the Spirit’s renewing power. Leaders confess prayerlessness or bitterness toward their boss. We aim for brevity. Confession usually takes a minute or less.
3. We turn to prayer. After the leader shares, a student will jump in to pray for him, and then the pattern begins again as each student takes his turn confessing.
Parameters
There are two parameters we’ve put in place for our small group leaders. First, leaders must not confess their sins in a way that glorifies the sin or exposes students to new sins. Second, if a student confesses anything related (even partially) to self-harm or potential abuse, the youth minister must be notified immediately after the small group. The youth minister promptly brings the matter to authorities or parents as appropriate. These situations are rare but crucial for the care of students and the integrity of the ministry.
We also have ground rules for students. We go over these at the beginning of the ministry year then sprinkle in reminders intermittently.
- Never joke or gossip about what’s shared.
- Confession is never forced. Students can feel free to pass when it’s their turn.
- We don’t commiserate with one another or downplay sin. We don’t say, “I do that too! It’s not a big deal.”
- Walking in the light isn’t a time for advice. After a friend practices confession, we don’t try to “fix her,” clean her up, or set her straight on the spot. Instead, we simply go to God in prayer. He’s the One we most deeply need when we confess sin.
Nearly 500 years ago, Martin Luther wrote, “When I urge you to go to confession, I am doing nothing else than urging you to be a Christian.” The pattern and parameters we’ve adopted help us live out this essential Christian practice. It’s our way of embodying a gospel culture at youth group, and I’m convinced any youth ministry would benefit from carving out simple, repeatable rhythms of confession and prayer.
