Faith and Our Fathers

Collin Hansen: Blair Linne’s mother plan to abort her. Before a Baptist ministers words changed her mother’s mind. Blair Linne moved 25 times before she set out on her own as an adult. She did not grow up with a father. Now I’m not going to spoil all of her new book finding my father how the gospel heals the pain of fatherlessness published by the Good Book company but I can tell you this it’s a raw, sometimes shocking memoir, with a surprise ending. Blair describes fathers as a covering a shield from danger. Where do you go when your dad needs a place to hide to? Blair points all of us no matter how good or bad are dad to the hope of the gospel. We’re not defined by the consequences of fatherlessness. Blair writes, she says this, we’re not bound to repeat those mistakes and pass on the consequences to another generation. The cross can break any consequences of the sin of the generation before so that it is not felt by the generation to come.

And she points us to the church where we find our family after God becomes our father. Blair to the rights all it takes is a Christian village to break the one parent absent father stranglehold that can burden a child Blair Linne joins me on gospel bound to discuss systemic injustice and personal responsibility victims and rebels, diverse churches and family trees. Blair, thanks for being here.

Blair Linne

Thanks for having me.

Collin Hansen

You’re right, this Blair, you say that the negative impact and I’m quoting this in part because it’s just so well written, the negative impact of not having a dad in the home is like having to be content with brass rather than gold. And the trouble with brass is that over time, the tarnish leaves you green with envy. So Blair, just give a little bit of the background here, what was the result of not having your father in the home?

Blair Linne

Yeah, so um, you know, my mom moved us across the country when I was three years old. And so what that looked like was me having phone conversations with my dad, maybe once or twice a year, we would talk for maybe about five minutes each call. And, you know, it impacted me in so many ways. For one, you know, the relationship that we had wasn’t really a relationship, you know, there wasn’t much depth there at all. Even though I desired that even at a very young age, I desired to have that fellowship or that, you know, relationship with my dad, that wasn’t there. Even though I will say when he did call, he was very kind on the call. He did say encouraging words, when he did engage with me. But it impacted us in so many ways. For one, it caused us to struggle with poverty. You know, as you mentioned, I moved 25 times in my childhood, you know, and I remember when I just jotted down, let me just trace all the places that we lived, and I couldn’t believe it was that many times, you know, so we struggle, just as my mom sought to make ends meet and to provide for two young girls. I struggled with identity, you know, even as I grew older, didn’t realize that as it as a young child, but as I got older, I realized I didn’t know who I was, you know, because that piece of me was missing. And as guys started to approach, I didn’t know what to look for in a guy because that piece wasn’t there as well. So those are just some of the ways that it impacted me. But yeah, it’s, you know, as I have grown older, I’ve been able to be more aware, right of how how much I’ve been impacted by his absence.

Collin Hansen

And no doubt as you become a mother, as well. You write you write this fatherlessness is the elephant in the room. It is rarely talked about, but extremely important father’s matter. I was experiencing the burden of something I was too young to name the lack of something. I was too alone to understand. Why do you think Blair it’s what do you think it’s not talked about more? Yeah,

Blair Linne

I mean, I think in certain instances, it is spoken about, but just overall. You know, when you look at the amount of children, one in three children under the age of 18, lived, they live in a home without a father. And that’s an adoptive father, a stepfather? There’s no father at all. And you see kind of the statistics, which we don’t have to necessarily get into, but you see the impact of not having your dad this should be a more prominent conversation. Oftentimes, I see the conversation thrown out sometimes to, you know, to negate other things that are other issues that are addressed. You know, and so, while I don’t agree with that, that we need to neglect other issues. We do need to have this conversation and so I’m not sure I’m not sure exactly why it’s not talked about more But I thought with my book, why not bring the conversation out? And let’s discuss it. Let’s talk about the impact of it. And you see, especially in the Scripture, God speak so many times about the fatherless, you know that this is an issue that we should be concerned about as the church specifically.

Collin Hansen

And your story gives a way of being able to speak about the larger problem there as well. It is such a baffling thing, because a lot of people might imagine that that fatherlessness has a lot to do with mainly moral or even theological issues. And that’s very true. So maybe they think, Well, those are categories we can’t talk about in politics or the public square, but then every single sociological study points that to be, if not the decisive problem or challenge, then one of them that is not ultimately determinative, because that’s what your book is about the hope, but it makes as much of a difference as anything else. And outcomes, various outcomes educational, moral, spiritual, and the like. So that was one reason why I’m so glad that you’ve written this book, and you cite your husband, Shai in here in describing how we’re all victims and rebels. And Blair, you’ve lived between the struggles of systemic injustice and personal responsibility, which is essentially what we’re talking about here of why these questions aren’t discussed more often. And when you look back on your experience, how do you discern between the two of those between personal responsibility and systemic injustice? How do you piece that together?

Blair Linne

Yeah, yeah, it is. You know, I feel like sometimes it can be, it’s hard to sort that through reading through limitations. You see in that book, so well, and I mentioned this in the book as well, you see how, you know, here’s the people, the people of God turned away from the Lord, you know, given to just rebellion. And as a result, God’s wrath comes upon that people. But also, here’s the people who’s experienced injustice, right, that they’ve been done wrong themself. And I think that book so perfectly addresses their sin, but God can see it, I see your sin, you will experience judgment for your sin. And also, I see the wrong done against you. And I will address that as well. So I appreciate that the Lord doesn’t, you know, you know, turn a blind eye to injustice, and only focus on the sand, I think sometimes we can just be focused on that. And we need to be not when our fathers sin so much, because we can’t change that, right? We, we can’t change how we’ve been sinned against, but we can, we can impact because of Christ, as believers, how we respond to the sin that’s been done against us. And so that’s what I talked about, you know, you know, I can’t go back and change my story. God has ordained my story. But what am I? What am I going to do with it? You know, how am I going to respond as a result of it? And, you know, yeah, there’s many people I could sit and, you know, I can, you know, blame and say, Oh, the system, you know, that worked against my dad, even, you know, or the pain that we experienced to the poverty that we experienced coming up. And, you know, those are real challenges that were really challenging and hard to grapple with. But ultimately, it’s like, Okay, I’m an adult. Here, I’ve been given so much in the Gospel with the good news, it has completely transformed my life. And so okay, Lord, you know, what we may not be able to do naturally speaking, you know, the, the Holy Spirit is able to do a completely new work. And so, what does it look like right now to say, Okay, how can I take responsibility for where I am, you know, not just kind of be a stick in the mud and say, Woe is me, because of my circumstances. But what does the scripture say? And as I turned to the Scripture, that there is so much hope, you know, to say, No, I can, you know, by God’s grace, destroy these strongholds, right? That I’ve seen these patterns in my family life or the dysfunction that I’ve seen in my family life. I don’t have to continue on in that. Because Christ does really make everything all things new. And so that’s really been my hope, in these circumstances. Yeah.

Collin Hansen

Why don’t you don’t seem very optimistic about policies and programs being able to help with the problem of fatherlessness? Why not

Blair Linne

you know I mean, I think you know, when we look at when I look at at least my our culture, our society, I don’t see even though like you said, you know, sociologists, they know that this is an issue we see how it’s impacting our children and impacting adults, right. But I don’t see anyone really doing much about it. There are some programs here and I’ve been connected even even recently connected with A program where there’s a way that I can, you know, engage my community locally. And, you know, I’ve reached out to members of my church to say, Can we come together, maybe engage our community engage the fathers here. And I do think that there are people who are doing that there are churches who are doing that. But I’m talking about like, on the grand scheme, you know, when I look at everything, I’m like, ah, I just don’t see it. I don’t see it. You know, and so I’m like, the one on one relationships, the discipleship relationships, where there’s being impact made, you know, I do have a lot of comfort and hope there. And if there is some policy changes, Praise be to God, but I’m not banking on this point. Just because I haven’t seen it. You

Collin Hansen

know, so if so, one example we could cite, if somebody came and said, mass incarceration, if we just stopped mass incarceration, especially of young black males, that would be a policy or a program that we could do that might help. Absolutely think that might help?

Blair Linne

Absolutely, yeah. Or to say even I mean, now with, you know, I talked about, like, the war on drugs, you know, in the 80s, which my father’s succumb to crack, right. So, you know, if there were programs to say, we’re not going to penalize those who are in jail for a nonviolent offense, you know, someone who’s in jail because they have an addiction. Whereas now what we do see with this opioid addiction, which is really bad here, where we live, there’s an area here in Philadelphia, where you drive through, and you just see the pain and the darkness as a result of opioid addiction. And they are treating it more so like a healthcare crisis, which we didn’t see in the 80s. Right. So what would that look like to say, Well, why not release those men who are in prison because they had an addiction? And let’s see how to help them. So absolutely. Let’s deal with mass incarceration, for sure. Yeah, so there’s so much. Yeah, go ahead. Well, it

Collin Hansen

seems like that that could be something but then it also becomes an easy slogan. And there aren’t a lot of there’s still a lot of specifics that have to be worked out with all of that. And again, it’s so it’s, so it’s hard to know, well, do we do we not attack what is right in front of us, as we wait to focus on that? Or it seems like we can do a lot of these things. At the same time as we work through the specifics of how do we bring reform, to a justice system that incarcerates at a much higher level than anywhere else in the world? What might we be able to do better with that, even as we focus on the things that you rightly focus on in this book, now, bringing it back to the spiritual, the explicitly spiritual realm here? Why do you think Satan attacks fathers?

Blair Linne

I think Satan attacks fathers, because he hates what fathers represent, you know, fathers are to be a representative to their children to the Lord God. You know, you know, in Ephesians, two talks about, you know, the God from whom all fatherhood right has, has originated, right, that’s not verbatim, that’s my own language. But you know that fatherhood originates from God, right? Oftentimes, when we think about fatherhood, we think about our, our natural fathers, and because there may be broken this there, whether that’s physical absence, or spiritual absence, or an emotional absence, we then look at God, and we view him in light of that rather than the other way around. And so I think Satan wants to attack fathers, because fathers are called to lead their home, right? They’re called to, you know, to care for their wife and care for their children. And if he can destroy the man, I think that, you know, the family is right behind him, as we have seen, and I think it impacts the community and impacts the church. And, you know, there’s a whole host of impact as a result. And so I absolutely think there is an attack on men. I do. Yeah, well, I

Collin Hansen

think sometimes I don’t think sociology is determinative. But I think sociology can sometimes give us a language to be able to work backward to explain spiritual truth that we should already know and biblical truth. And I know that one of those truths is that sociologically speaking, that households where the father attends, the church tends to practice the faith. When the mother attends, there’s not as strong of a correlation for the children or for the others or for the Father, in those cases, if he’s not, if he’s otherwise not engaged. And so that’s, um, I think that’s, that’s noteworthy, and I think that also, it reflects our theological beliefs, biblical beliefs, I think it also reflects what we see in our churches. There are not many times when you see a father bringing his Kids and the mothers at home are not in the picture. We just tend not to see that there as well. So there seems to be something there, especially about the father’s example, in leadership that seems to be a really significant spiritually. Now, love what you described about the church here, what did the church teach you about fathers?

Blair Linne

Yeah. So I think that’s one of the, the blessings that I maybe didn’t expect as much becoming a believer, you know, you know, as we become Christians, we deal with spiritual adoption, right? This, this wonderful truth of spiritual adoption, and in that we gain a father in God. But we gain a family in the church. And I think that has been such a sweet, a sweet treat to my soul that as I’ve come to the Lord, the Lord has surrounded me with people that have been spiritual fathers, right? spiritual mothers, and fathers and sisters and brothers. And they’ve been able to come in and, and fill in some of those gaps, some of those holes that I didn’t have coming up. And so right before I got married to shy, the Lord really opened up a door for that which allowed me to live with a pastor for a short time, it was the first time I was able to observe family worship, and to see see a father lead his household, like just to sit and observe that for the very first time was months before I was married. But I’m so thankful for that, and the many conversations and many interactions I’ve been able to have with godly men, you know, and godly women, that the Lord is used in our lives. That’s what

Collin Hansen

I, what I hear so often that the reason the cycles, the generational sins get repeated is because somebody simply never seen anything model. And so almost every failed, the father had a failed father. Hmm. I mean, so just it just keeps going down and seems to to build and so I love how you show the church can fill in that gap. And the church can be the place that does that. And one of the things you describe, which I really like has the benefits of, of a diverse and ethnically diverse and other ways diverse church. How do you see that as being an aid? To discipleship?

Blair Linne

Yeah, because I think, you know, different ethnicities, they have different strengths and different weaknesses. There are ways that, you know, one ethnicity might be able to speak into a situation. And another ethnicity might be able to say, Oh, well, you have some blind spots or some holes here, let me let me fill in the gaps here. That that can be extremely helpful. So it has been a blessing to say, Okay, let’s sit down and talk finances. We didn’t have that, you know, coming up, you know, my mom was trying to make ends meet. And when things were a struggle, so we had to learn shinai, both before we got married, you know, I think in our premarital counseling, we sat down and created a budget for the first time, you know what I mean? And so, yeah, I knew how to budget in my head, you know? What does it look like to be one and to come together? And, you know, so it is really been a huge benefit to us. And also, you know, generational diversity as well, has been super helpful.

Collin Hansen

One of one of my favorite one of my favorite differences in the church is how different in my experience, especially in the south ethnic groups approach, how to discipline other people’s children. I noticed that all the time, let’s just say in my circles, a certain reluctance to discipline other people, children, and among my neighbors, a certain willingness. I appreciate I appreciate those differences, because like you said, we’re so quick to universalize our experiences and our in our immediate context as the way God wants us to do things, right. And you just spend time around people who have a different background, and you’re quickly disabused of that notion. That’s, I love that aspect of the, of the body of Christ. Now, this is such a question feels like a perennial thing, just when I’m thinking about my life, my marriage, talking about these issues of family talking about issues of ethnicity, but what gives you the power and strength Blair to forgive the adults who failed you?

Blair Linne

Yes. You know, that has been something that has been an ongoing forgiveness and I talked about also the importance of kind of laying out, you know, kind of, Okay, how have I been sinned against in these ways and being very honest before the Lord and then forgiving those individual points. Because sometimes I have looked at forgiveness is like, okay, there’s one big blob here. I just need to like, forgiving him over to the Lord. Cast, my kid As I move forward, but then you get offended again, you know, and then it’s like, Ah, you know, comes like oozing out again, you know, so I think taking it step by step and, and I’ve had to honestly just measure my expectations for the adults in my life for my parents and realize, okay, well what are they capable of honestly, and let me just deal with them there. And I think the Lord that, you know, the Lord has blessed me with a family. And again, he’s blessed me with the church, which helps to just give me the proper expectation so that I’m not depending upon the adults in my life to give me something that they honestly can’t give. So that’s been extremely helpful, and just reminding myself of how much I’ve been forgiven constantly is helpful that, you know, it’s not that, you know, one person is better than the other, we are all needy of God’s grace, you know, to whom, you know, much, the one that’s been forgiven much loves much, and it’s not that we are, you know, one person is forgiven any less, it’s just us being aware that we all need a great amount of forgiveness much more than we even recognize, and, and so yeah, just asking the Lord to help me, help me be gracious, it’s a,

Collin Hansen

it’s almost like Jesus knew what he was talking about. With, with how, with, with those people with a sense of their sin, a sense of their forgiveness offered in the blood of Christ, become those people who are able to be able to forgive others and and when we can’t forgive others, it’s often connected to a sense that we don’t believe that we have much that needs to have been forgiven and, and I and I want to be clear with listeners so that they know I don’t think we can solve every social problem including fatherlessness with that way alone. But I would just say it’s a good place to start.

Blair Linne

Yeah. Yeah, and you know, one thing that’s been helpful for me too, is being a parent myself. Because realize how much grace you need, you know, it’s easy as a child to kind of criticize your parents, for all the things that they don’t do, right? And then, you know, just you wait, you know, you become a parent, and you realize, okay, this is the first time I’m doing this, I don’t know what I’m doing. You know, I’m trying to struggle through and be faithful, you know, to honor the Lord and honor my husband and you know, love my children well, through this, but I need help. And it’s a constant coming back to my children asking for forgiveness, when I failed them when I you know, I sinned against them, asking for their grace. And so, yeah, I think being aware of that helps us to deal with our parents a little more graciously as well.

Collin Hansen

It seems like it’s hard for us as kids Blair, to be able to relate to our parents as people. I mean, we’re not mature, we don’t have much self awareness, as kids was hard for them to relate as people, I wonder, when it came to your dad was there? Because it seems like you could go one of two ways. You could either be angry all the time, and you can blame him. Or you can almost see him as a kind of Savior. Like, well, gosh, if he just swept in, he could make all of this go away? Did you tend in either direction? Or both? or How did that work out for

Blair Linne

you? Yeah, I lean more towards a savior, a superhero, you know, someone who would come in and save the day. And it really wasn’t until, when I was 18 years old, I kind of had a sit down with my dad. And I addressed the fears and the concerns that I had, that I was too afraid to bring up. Because I was afraid if I brought those things up, that I might not have the little bit of relationship that we did have. And so when I had that sit down, and I shared with him, I’m struggling, because you’re not here, and here are the ways that I’m struggling. And he told me, you know, as you mentioned earlier, well, I didn’t have my dad in my life. You know, and I’m sorting through this too. And he I remember him saying, you know, I’m afraid to and I think for the first time that just kind of caused me to step back and say, Oh, you know, you are a human, you know, like, You’re, you’re a person and you know, and that really helped me understand him a little bit more, which I didn’t prior to that because, yeah, I just thought, Okay, he’s gonna come in, save the day and everything’s gonna be better. You realize, okay, he’s a human. Like, he needs help. You know, and he’s trying to struggle through life himself and, and so yeah, I mean, that was just eye opening to me.

Collin Hansen

A step of maturity in our development is to see our see our parents as human beings with their own issues and not just revolving around us, right. A couple couple questions here. Blair about about motherhood. What What do you want for future generations of your family tree?

Blair Linne

Yeah, my prayer for my future generations is that for one, they would have God as their father. That is my number one desire. It’s the thing that I, you know, I pray for my children almost every day that they would know the Lord and they would know, Goddess father, and also that they would be able to develop just a healthy, flourishing life. You know that, you know, I pray now for their families. Only my daughter right now is said that she desires to be married, my sons are very turned off by the idea, because it involves kissing someone and

Collin Hansen

they don’t want some time. Oh, trust me, it’ll happen. And then you’ll you’ll be wishing for these older

Blair Linne

No, no, stop. But yeah, you know that they will be able to flourish and have beautiful, godly families. That was something my grandmother prayed for me. And I’m praying for that for them right now. Yeah, so those are few things.

Collin Hansen

Amen. Well, last question before we get to our final three, but what’s your favorite way of celebrating and delighting in God,

Blair Linne

children, with my children, one of the ways is I love to sing with my children. And I’ll try to teach them some of those old hymns that my grandmother Sing with me some of those old spirituals and they laugh, you know, because of the way that I sing it is kind of that old school, my grandmother’s from Alabama. So what’s that, oh, you know, swing low, sweet chariot. But they’ll laugh, but though it will be able to sing together, and I’m just praying that that will build in them a repertoire of worship, and You know, knowing who God is. So I so enjoyed that. And, you know, we do have a bedtime routine, you know, where we sing, and we pray every night. And just and we’ve done that, since our oldest was six months old, you know, and that was at the recommendation of, you know, a family that we modeled and we watched, you know, as they sang, and, you know, and and read to their children and so yeah, just those sweet moments, you know, my oldest now he’ll say to my, my husband, we’re gonna have family worship tonight, you know, I mean, you know, which is just so sweet that they’re excited to have those times and there’s been a couple times a shot has been tires like, Oh, yeah, okay, yeah, let’s do this. Let’s do this. So,

Collin Hansen

as as one of the most redemptive things I think, as a as a parent, as a Christian, is when your kids don’t know any better than to know that this is what we do as a family. This is what people do, we read the Bible, we sing, we pray, we do some, some catechesis, things like that, they just and then they look forward to it. And I can see why that that routine, the joy, having everybody together, coming together, the ritual of it, it’s it’s meaningful. And I was never, my family didn’t do that growing up, so I was gonna give that as an encouragement. I helped my kids I hope your kids will continue to do that. But even for all those listening and say, Well, I never had anybody do that. Well, I mean, when is when it’s modeled by somebody else in your church, it’s possible for you as well. So final three here with with Blair, Lynn, author of finding my father how the gospel heals the pain of fatherlessness from the Good Book company. Alright, so Blair, first question. final three. How do you find calm in a storm? Hmm.

Blair Linne

Prayer, I think is my go to. You know, yeah, I just I’ve learned I’ve went through a really tough season for four years of after a car accident, crippling anxiety and panic attacks. And it taught me how to cast my cares over to the Lord. And so the first thought is okay, Lord, help. You know, that’s help helped me. So that’s really where I lean. Yeah. Prayer.

Collin Hansen

Second, second question. Blair. Where do you find good news today?

Blair Linne

Good news. Like the gospel. Good news. Well, just good news. Okay.

Collin Hansen

Um, the gospel or good news? Good

Blair Linne

news. Good things. Good news, um, podcast. I actually, yeah, I enjoyed listening to podcast and I love listening to gospel music. You know, so that’s where I find it. And, and I enjoy actually just talking with my husband. You know, fellowshipping over truth. So yeah, those that’s where I find the good news. I’m not buying a lot of good news like, like news news, but well, if I

Collin Hansen

could, if I could hang out with you and shy and they’d be able to tune out the rest of news. I prefer that

Come on life giving.

You got to come Yeah, come down to Alabama and visit visit your family. Visit your family. See? See where they’re from. All right. Blair, what’s the last great book you’ve read?

Blair Linne

Oh, gentlemen, moly, has been thoroughly encouraging. And, you know, I think just shaping even more my understanding of the tenderness of God His love for the Lord. I mean, his my, his love for me, you know, and just expanding that for me. So yeah, I think that’s been the last one.

Collin Hansen

Somebody some listener out there is going to put together a chart This is a challenge to everybody of all the books that are recommended at the end here and rank them and I think gentlemen, lowly would be number one is a modern, modern classic well, Blair Lin has been my guest her book, finding my father. How the gospel heals the pain of fatherlessness published by the Good Book company. Blair, thanks for joining me.

Blair Linne

Thank you so much. It’s been great

Transcribed by https://otter.ai