Why the Gospel of Self-Improvement Isn’t Good News

Collin Hansen
If you want to sell millions of books, then just tell your readers they can be their own hero. Tell them if they don’t have what they want. They need to demand it. Tell them that they can have everything if they work hard enough, the beautiful family, the booming business, the world changing nonprofit venture. For Ruth Chou Simons being her own hero, doesn’t seem all that freeing. It looks exhausting. She has over she has one overarching message in her new book, when striving cease replacing the gospel of self improvement with the gospel of life transforming grace, published by Nelson books. The one thing I want you to know more than anything else, Ruth writes, is that if you are truly in Christ, you can stop trying so hard to be who you already are. In Jesus. Simon’s is an artist, entrepreneur and speaker. She her husband, Troy have six boys. Her previous works include Grace-laced. And Simon’s goes on to explaining when striving sees this, we’re working so hard to bloom to bend, to please, that we’ve neglected the soil from which we flourish. And she concludes her book with the question of our striving is really worship of ourselves as God. Simon’s will will be leading three breakout sessions at the gospel coalition’s 2022 Women’s Conference June 16, to 18, including one on her new book, given the prevalence of what she calls the self improvement gospel. I’m grateful for this work that focuses on the grace of God. self acceptance, she reminds us from God’s Word doesn’t come from self love, but from the redemption of Jesus Christ, or God demonstrates His love for us as sinners. That’s why she can write this self righteous striving is more hopeless than you want to believe. But grace is more life transforming than you realize. Ruth joins me and gospel bound to discuss how she came to realize that God’s grace is enough to help us do the same. Ruth, thank you for joining me.

Ruth Chou Simons
So glad to be here, Collin.

Collin Hansen
Ruth At what point did you fully realize or realize more and more that God’s grace was enough? Was there a particular event or turning point where that happen?

Ruth Chou Simons
Yeah, you know, I, I really look back. And I think discipleship in my college years, that really was a time where I went from just believing that Jesus, I needed Jesus to save me from my sins, to pull me out of the destruction of how I understood that. But I didn’t understand that, that meant the end to all my striving, trying to prove my worth, and trying to earn my way to God, like I just kind of didn’t quite put that together until when I was in college by campus. Ministry leader was teaching out of the Sermon on the Mount, and was really in Matthew 5, saying, you know, you can jump this high with all your religious efforts, but you’re never going to jump high enough to beat my true requirements. So you need Jesus. And, you know, that’s paraphrasing, but of course, I, I just had a realization finally that even in my so called, like, coming to Christ, I am, maybe I really did understand the gospel at some level. But I was still trying so hard. Come on, I was still trying to like read my Bible to please God, to do the right thing to just stay away from certain senses so that God would be pleased with me. And what a joy it was. It was to finally understand the gospel, understand the law understand freedom in Christ. And so yeah, that’s what that’s the background to this book.

Collin Hansen
Of all things when Jesus talks about our righteousness needing to surpass that of the Pharisees. That’s a that’s a fascinating way to look at that now. And Ruth, how would you describe the gospel of self improvement that you’re writing this book to be able to help people to, to move past or to or to counter?

Ruth Chou Simons
Yeah, well, I, I called it that, quote, gospel of self improvement because the word gospel means as we know, good news, and I look around and I really think women have, you know, I’m primarily speaking about my sisters in Christ here. Like, we have more opportunities than we’ve ever had before. Women are getting to write books and lead organizations and start nonprofits and do all those wonderful things that you shared about at the start of this broadcast and there are more opportunities than ever before, but I look around at my sisters and I’m seeing seeing that they are more We are more exhausted than we’ve ever been. And I look around and think I really gather that part of the problem is that we are thinking, and we’re going along with the world’s conversation here that there’s somehow good news in the formula of self improvement, self help, that there’s some way in which we can take the reins, and manipulate our lives so that we get the life we want. And sometimes that’s prevalent in the church as well.

Collin Hansen
Now, with this path of self improvement, is it possible for the path of self improvement to lead to self denial?

Ruth Chou Simons
Well, I think there are good tools, sometimes, I mean, is in itself bad to set goals, to have five really proven ways to organize your life, all those are good tools. But if they cause you, they lead you down a path where you keep looking inward, and constantly look at how to be the one who fixes your life through your own efforts. That’s not going to be self denial, that’s going to be worship of self. And so the way of Christ is for us to say, if I keep looking inward, I will make myself the pinnacle of what I must please, and I will, my own comfort, my own happiness, my own worth is the most important thing. But if I look to Christ, then he supplies and sustains all that I need in life. And so then it’s really self denial in the sense of, I am not the primary Christ as the primary and in Him, all this other things fall into place.

Collin Hansen
Ruth, I think about something you said earlier, and I, I wonder about putting it into some historical context, because whether it was you talk about living in a kind of an immigrant context, and that we will arrive, and these opportunities will deliver the promise that we’ve been seeking, but I think, almost overlay that onto some of the promises of feminism of once we get these opportunities, then everything will be okay, we’ll be able to overcome the this these obstacles and will then be able to enjoy this kind of newfound freedom. And that’s you mentioned earlier that the anxiety seems to be overlaying with these opportunities, with the opportunities actually comes a more harried and frustrating and overwhelmed weighed down kind of experience. And I’m wondering, how do you how do you process those two things together? Did some of those were those some of those promises not true or not fulfilled? Or? Or do you just see that as the human condition? In general? How do you understand that?

Ruth Chou Simons
Well, I think about how God clearly put on display the beauty of rest, he set the example for rest, and rest is us, whether it’s sleeping, or turning off our phones, that ceasing to hustle. That is sad, God is God. And I’m not like he doesn’t need me to keep all things afloat, he doesn’t need me to call the stars at night, he doesn’t need me to make sure my kids turn out fine, right? He doesn’t need me he’s in control. But when we I think we’re more anxious than we’ve ever been. Because the the message of our day is, you can have everything you’ve ever wanted. But don’t slip up, maximize every opportunity, take all the webinars, make sure you read the latest and the greatest, and don’t fall behind on the strategies. Because you can have everything you want, as long as you do all the right things and optimize yourself to be the greatest version of yourself. And the truth of the gospel is that apart from Christ, we will never ever be good enough. I will never be have everything my kids need me to be as a mum, my church will never have everything that I need to be as a fully functioning member of my church, apart from Christ. It’s only by the grace of God, that I’m enabled to do those things. And so the answer isn’t in myself, it’s not going to be in myself. But if I think it is that I’m going to be pretty exhausted running the hamster wheel of self improvement.

Collin Hansen
I was just interviewing somebody yesterday for a later appearance on gospel bound. And we were talking about this when it came when it comes to parenting. Yeah. What did this what does this look like for you with with six boys? How does? I mean, because there’s no shortage, I’m sure of opportunities for you to think. I wish I’d done that differently. Sorry, I wish I had optimized that experience. How does the grace of God give you freedom with that responsibility?

Ruth Chou Simons
Yeah. So first of all, I think if we want to define terms, you know, striving, striving in grace is different than striving for grace. And that’s the distinction I’m really making here. But When we strive kind of strive for grace, and we’re striving, in our own strength that’s manipulating and anxiously toiling to try to gain or control something, so that we could have what we don’t quite trust God to give us. And so in a very blatant way, some parents can require that they, their kids go to Ivy League schools, or get straight A’s, or be the best at their sport. That’s a real blatant way to be a striving parent, right to be like, there’s, that’s not acceptable, you must, you must invest. And you know what, Collin, I mean, I’m not that obvious. As a parent, I kind of, I don’t do that. But you know, what I do, and what I can call out and what I’ve had to ask forgiveness for it, and my family, is when I go around the house on a Saturday morning, and yell and get real upset and say, I can’t believe this whole house is so messy, what in the world, you know, and I deserve you guys taking better care of these things, or whatever it is that sometimes moms under stress, say, there’s grace for losing our temper, and we absolutely sometimes just lose it with with things like that. But the confession to my kids is, Hey, boys, what I’m realizing is I’m trying to control and create my happiness, by making sure that everybody does exactly what I think they should do. Because I don’t trust, I’m not going to the Lord for my comfort and assurance, assurance, and thinking, a clean house is going to make me feel better about myself obedient children is going to make me feel better about my life. And so I’m trying to anxiously strive to create those best set of circumstances. And when I see that rear, its ugly head, I absolutely have to kind of lay that down and confess to my family. So we that’s kind of a regular thing. But I have to kind of say, I’m bringing that back guys, I’m striving here trying to fix my life through manipulating these circumstances. And that’s not that’s not as good as leaning on Christ.

Collin Hansen
Ruth, it seems to me that this message of grace and the gospel is so counterintuitive to what people expect. And here’s an example. I love this quote, he said, this friend, if you’ve been given a gospel that downplays holiness and obedience, eliminates God’s sovereign ways, and antiquated, the law satisfying work of the cross of Christ, you’ve been fed another version of the gospel of striving to so many people would actually see that as freeing. Oh, I don’t have to obey God’s law anymore. That’s freeing. That’s grace. No, it’s It’s striving to have to try to fulfill God’s law. So help us understand what you You mean, here, when it when you talk about the different kinds of striving? I think you alluded to that earlier. But I’d love to hear more.

Ruth Chou Simons
Yeah, you know, I, I feel like this in this day and age, I feel like I have to clarify a lot more than I ever have to say, to see, striving isn’t just staying in bed tomorrow morning and saying, I don’t need to reply to my emails, my kids can make their own lunch, and who cares if they get D’s in school, that is a better. The point is that we it’s not that we stop trying, it’s that we try out of our identity is in Christ already given to us because of grace, we are working to steward all that’s been given to us, when we know the fullness of our inheritance in Christ, not because we’re scared that we’re the difference between striving for grace and striving and grace is that striving for grace is when we say I won’t have belonging, assurance, comfort or approval from God or anyone else. If I don’t do it perfectly, if I don’t hold it all together, if I don’t fix the situation, if I don’t make everyone proud, like, that’s when we’re like, okay, I need to make sure everybody approves me, including God, that striving for grace, striving in grace is, my goodness, what I think about it, when I read the scriptures, I cannot believe all that has been given to me what is true, that is truly mine, because of Christ. And because of that, I now want to get up in the morning and steward my life in a way that I didn’t before. Because I know that everything has been given to me as a gift of God’s grace. And now not I won’t do things out of repayment. I simply want to steward well, because he is so worthy. I I kind of wonder what would happen to you know, readers and listeners in general, but especially to my sisters in Christ. What would happen if women stopped thinking that the gospel was enough to save them, but that they needed something else to kind of get them to the end of their the race? What if we were actually to believe that the grace of God not only saves us and rescues us and draws us back to the heart of God, but also keeps us there and gives us the fuel we need? For that transformative living, that we all want, that we all sometimes think that is found in the latest formula. It’s not it’s found in the Gospel. And so we see it in Ephesians, two, eight through 10, right? It’s by grace through faith, but we are created for good works. That’s what we were created for. It’s not that those works are part of it. It’s that they are fueled by the gift of grace.

Collin Hansen
You talk about in the book, how forgiveness motivates, I think about a conversation with a friend. And he said that, about 10 years ago, he heard a lot of people talking about some similar messages that you’re sharing here, and that you shared about in this book, and especially applied to parenting. And the response of it was exactly what you said, the response from some at least was, Oh, good. Now I don’t have to care about anything anymore. Now, I never have to clean up anything. Now we could just eat whatever we want. Now, I just doesn’t matter what my kids do. Because grace covers all of that. I remember hearing from a teacher who said, yeah, the way I motivate my child is by never disciplining him. And that’s to be able to show God’s grace. And so it does seem like we do have to do so much clarifying. Now, the Bible, I think is is beautifully clear, but it just seems as though our sinful hearts are always trying to run toward Well, there’s running away from God. So just how do you how have you seen this work out in your own life and life of your friends and family?

Ruth Chou Simons
Yeah. Well, as you were talking, I was just thinking about Romans. And you know, God’s kindness leads us to repentance. And repentance isn’t just being sad. And soaking. Repentance is an action word, right? It’s actually turning. So it’s action that says, I no longer want to go this direction, I’m going to go a different direction. And so the reality is, kindness, God’s kindness has mercy, his grace leads us to action. And, and so I think, you know, I keep coming back to the fact that I think you and I would agree that sometimes this generation proves itself biblically illiterate. And, and we might be because we’ve spent so much time going to the internet, and going to simple graphics and memes and quick sound bites as our devotion as our devotional time or our Bible reading for the day. And that leads to a pretty weak and shallow understanding of God’s attributes and who he is and what he’s done. Because the grace of God is not going to be amazing column, if we spend all our time thinking. He’s just like Santa and kind of nice and helpful, you know, and that we’re really we’re on our own. And so when I think about, you know, let’s be honest, I work in an industry that really rewards a lot of striving. So for me, I mean, I just have to, like, kind of clear the air and say that, you know, I’m like, literally thinking, wow, I am an industry. I’m online, I’m on social media, I write books that are measured by book sales. I am literally in an industry that could measure me all day long. And you know what, I wrote a book about it, because I have a proclivity towards caring about those things. And so what I have to do every day is really to preach the truth back to myself, which is why I spend some time in this book saying, let’s look at Paul’s pattern. You know, Paul writes a lot about what who Christ is and what he’s done, because I think he just keeps reminding us of what we truly should already know. Because no action and no faithful living can come out of us saying no to this yes to this, we can’t just put on and put off and start right there. We have to start with well, why? Why can I lay this down? Well, because Jesus is better. And unless you know that Jesus is better, you’re probably never going to know how to lay your strivings down. And so So yeah, I when I think about how we can respond to this message in a in a world that’s constantly measuring constantly telling us to measure whether we’re enough, I would say we the only answer is to find that Jesus is and that we don’t have to be.

Collin Hansen
It’s one thing I love Ruth about your book, we’re talking with Ruth Chou Simons about her book, when striving cease replacing the gospel of self improvement with the gospel of life transforming grace, is that grace is not an abstract concept. It brings us to Christ. It comes from God to bring us to God. And so that’s I think that’s part of the prevention here of of how do we not abuse this how do we not confuse this? How do we not abstract Well, it’s, it’s because it’s all about being. It’s all about gratefulness from Christ to want to grow to become like Christ. That’s a beautiful thing in your book. Go ahead.

Ruth Chou Simons
Thank you. I was just gonna say Hey, wait when you were saying that I was like, yes, Columba thing is we make everything about us. Right? Really, grace is all about Christ. It’s not, it’s about the heart of God. Grace is like the, the invitation, the way in which we can know the heart and the greatness of God. It’s not about us, it’s not just this. Grace is not the thing, we slap on a mug so that we have a little ounce of, you know, extra little dose of warm, warm fuzzies in the morning so that we could carry on our day in a better way. So I think we’ve contorted and made the grace of God somehow trite in our minds, because we keep thinking that everything is a tool for us to get better, when God’s grace was always meant for us to stop trying to make ourselves better, and just come to him instead.

Collin Hansen
I think that’s why Ruth in our generation, so many of us have been moved by the parable of the two sons, not just the prodigal son, but the two sons. Because as as teachers like Tim Keller, Ed clowny, others have helped us to see there are multiple ways to run away from Christ. Absolutely. You can run away through your strivings to perfection, which is a lot of what you write about in here. You can you can write about you can you can run away in your strivings after the the pleasures of this of this world. But the point is, both of them are self centered. Yes, I thought that’s so good.

Ruth Chou Simons
And then that second son, the one that we always overlook, and we think is just the good guy, and the story is the son that is just as rebellious and just as sinful, because he thinks himself good enough to deserve it all. And yeah, I mean, when I caught when I wrote about that, I was reading, reading much more than I’ve ever understood about that story. And I was just in tears column, and I’m sure you’ve already read a lot of the historical context, but to have the imagery and to have the, the historical picture of that ceremonial, like breaking a fellowship, because of the breaking of that pot, and the kind of like the townspeople saying, Nope, you know, you don’t get to come in, we’re broken here. And for the father to take that shame, and be the townspeople to the gate and say, Nope, you don’t get to do the breaking of the pot. I’m going to welcome them home that just, yeah, that broke me.

Collin Hansen
Oh, I love that. I love that I’m now really there’s many things it’s it’s a, it’s an honest book is a vulnerable book, and you describe your struggle with belonging in 2020? I think a lot of us can relate. Tell us a little bit about that.

Ruth Chou Simons
Oh, man, I mean, everything from what started off simple, it started off with, oh, everything’s shut down. And I was kind of like striving and feeling like, I gotta like, put out good material. And then a few months in, and I know this is clear, you know, fresh in our minds, you’ll remember, all of a sudden, the world turned upside down. And nobody seemed to be friends anymore. Because unless you could articulate or think exactly like somebody else. Nobody wanted to talk to you anymore. Like add the for those of us who are content creators. You I immediately felt their reality that I wanted to choose my words wisely. think before I speak. Consider what I’m doing locally. Because really, there’s no true belonging online. And I got to tell you, it was so because canceled culture was was pretty big. I mean, it was kind of still still going on. But last year, I was blown away column with just how quick how quickly you could be completely misunderstood, cancelled or undermined simply because you didn’t say something the way that somebody else’s want want to do to say it. And belonging is one of those things where we keep thinking if we can just put one two and three together exactly the way it needs to be all belong in the situation. And you know, I detail in the book about how that started. Everything from being an immigrant, young girl, trying to figure out what kind of jeans I was supposed to wear to fit in to what kind of lunches I was supposed to take, which spoiler alert was not a bologna and white bread sandwich. It was fried rice and a yogurt container cup, which just made everybody in the lunchroom freak out. They thought it was so disgusting.

Collin Hansen
Now very popular. So popular, but not back.

Ruth Chou Simons
If I brought fried rice, I think your office would be like, hey, Ruth, welcome back, you know, but, but at the time, it was terrible. And so I just saw how much like what I experienced as a child and what I was like, Oh, if I just wear the right clothes, if I just bring the right lunch, I’ll have a place at the table. I mean, there’s a grownup version of it. There’s a 2020 version of it. And the only way to combat that for all of us who are wrestling with that ache within our own families within our own communities within our churches, within our within our online spaces. If you’re wrestling with that feeling of, I don’t know how to belong, I’d say brother or sister like start first with your belonging in Christ. There’s nothing you could ever do or say, or get just right to find the perfect formula for belonging on Earth. And so we really do have to start with what is ours that’s eternal. What binds us, together with our brothers and sisters in Christ with everything is chaotic, and not a place of belonging, you know?

Collin Hansen
I had in mind that I’m not going to ask you about these. But I had in mind, Ruth, a number of books that I’m sure you had in mind as well, that have been very popular in recent years. And I noticed that some of those authors really suffered through what you just described, right there of all their strivings all their success, torn down, because suddenly, they no longer conformed, they could not control of their outcomes. They couldn’t control their circumstances, they couldn’t control other people’s perceptions of them. And I think it was an effective illustration of the point of your book, which is that the gospel gives us a better, more lasting hope, than what’s been offered there. So I’ll put those words in my mouth. They don’t have to be in yours. But I wonder, I wonder what you think of just what do you think of self care? How does self care fit into this, that’s such a popular concept is

Ruth Chou Simons
It is so popular, especially among my sisters, here we need, I love a good excuse to go to the spot right, or to get my hair done, or get my nails done, or whatever shallow thing that I can think of that would be relaxing, I’m all for, I’m all for absolutely taking care of yourself, self care could be going on a walk. But the difference is, I think, self care that says, I’m the most important person, because without me, all things will fall apart. So I, I’m the most important, I must care for my own happiness. If you chase that kind of paradigm to the its end, then everybody else and everybody else’s needs can be sacrificed for your pleasure. So that doesn’t align with the Bible, the Bible teaching at all, in a die to yourself, lay yourself down for your neighbor. That’s that’s just not the same thing. So self care, if it means caring for yourself, because you are stewarding the body, God’s given you, the temple of the Holy Spirit in your life, if you’re caring for yourself, because you have need to learn how to rest. Absolutely, that kind of self care is invaluable, because you must do what God’s given you. But the kind of self care that says make yourself happy because nobody else will. That’s not aligned with Love your neighbor, it really isn’t loving your neighbor sometimes requires self sacrifice. Sometimes loving your children means that your needs aren’t primary. And surprisingly, I think the gospel shows us that it’s not totally an either or in that, oh, we need to sacrifice and just be miserable. No, it’s that when we lay our lives down the pleasure of God in our rejoicing, in doing the very thing that God’s called us to do, actually restores our souls and renews us. And it’s a supernatural thing that our souls are cared for in Christ, even if we’re not able to take a vacation, or go to Hawaii or get to the spa. And so for those of us who are in long periods of just stewardship of whatever it is that maybe you’re caring for somebody elderly in your life, maybe you have a special needs child, and you’re like what is self care? My encouragement to you is it may not look like a luxury and it may not look like you know, relax bliss for days and days. It might mean a soul change where you say, I am cared for in Jesus, and therefore I’m going to rest in Him and loving my neighbor will be loving my child will be my parent will actually, you know me being faithful right where I am, is going to allow God to fill me up in ways that don’t come from the world and comes from him.

Collin Hansen
I love that Ruth. My guest on gospel bound has been Ruth Chou Simons. Her book check it out when striving sees replacing the gospel of self improvement with the gospel of life transforming Grace published by Nelson books, Ruth I just loved this quote you say this only the grace of God is enough to bring us home, make us worthy and keep us in the loop. Love of God, I really appreciated that. But before you go, I got a final three for you. All right, so quick, quick answers on these. For the first question, Ruth, how do you find calm in the storm?

Ruth Chou Simons
Oh, man, I first thing I do is walk as I go outside, I turn off my phone. And I go outside. I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, I’m an artist. And so I’m inspired easily. But I find that if I just look up at the sunrise or the sunset, or I go out at night, when the stars come out, we all have access to that Collin, and be in awe of God, because you had nothing to do with any of those things. And so the call in my storm is always when I realized that God called this day into order without my help. He’s still in control.

Collin Hansen
Oh, I love that. With where do you find good news today.

Ruth Chou Simons
I actually talk to my kids a lot. And because they’re not sitting there watching the news, listening to the big analysis, they’re talking about how fun it was to discover a new game with their brothers or are just discovering something out in the woods. And so sometimes, that’s the best news ever is during the day to see childlike faith and enjoyment from them.

Collin Hansen
I love that. And Ruth, what’s the last great book you’ve read?

Collin Hansen
Well, I’m not totally done with it yet, but I’ve been reading.

Unknown Speaker
Oh, that is for Gospel Bound listeners add that one to the tally. That’s definitely I think the top of the list with my guests in this last year. Again, my guest here Ruth Chou Simons, author of When Strivings Cease, Ruth, thanks so much really refreshing conversation. God bless you, and your ongoing work.

Ruth Chou Simons
Thank you so much for having me.