Stop Telling Teens to ‘Make Their Faith Their Own’

“My son grew up in church, but now he needs to make his faith his own.”

“Look, I know your parents are Christians, but you can’t rely on their faith; you have to make their faith your own.”

Have you heard this sentiment? Parents, youth leaders, and pastors often say things like this to convey that every young person must personally place his or her faith in Christ or take initiative in spiritual matters.

If that’s all people mean, I agree theologically. But language matters, and I fear that this catchphrase has unintended effects: It perpetuates unbiblical ideas about the nature of salvation, appropriates the individualism of our culture, and promotes a subtle kind of legalism.

Salvation Belongs to the Lord

Strictly speaking, this language of making your faith your own isn’t biblical. The Bible’s testimony is that repentance is granted (2 Tim. 2:25), a new birth is necessary to see the kingdom (John 3:3), and this new birth comes from the will of God, not man (1:12–13). Additionally, faith is a gracious gift of God through Jesus (Eph. 2:8–9), the founder and perfecter of our faith (Heb. 12:2); indeed, “salvation belongs to the LORD!” (Jonah 2:9).

The only place in Scripture we find language similar to “make your faith your own” is Philippians 3. Paul reflects on his former life in Judaism and explains that he’s no longer devoted to seeking righteousness by the law. His aim is to know Christ and experience the power of his resurrection. Paul says, “I press on to make it my own” (v. 12)—“it” being the knowledge of Christ and future resurrection (vv. 10–11).

Paul’s wording points to our participation in sanctification, not salvation. And even for sanctification, “make it your own” isn’t the consistent language of Scripture.

When we describe faith (and therefore, initial salvation) as something a child must take ownership of, the emphasis unintentionally shifts from receiving to producing. It takes the focus off what God has done and places it on what the child needs to do. In this way, a youth leader, pastor, or parent may inadvertently convey that the child contributes something to the process of salvation.

Discipleship Happens in Community

The idea of making your faith your own also evokes a distinctly American, Disneyesque individualism. Our culture pushes the narrative of the “self-made woman/man.” However, other people’s influence in our lives is real and powerful, and when it comes to the Christian life, that’s exactly what God intended.

Paul’s reflection on how Timothy’s faith was influenced by his mother is instructive for us:

I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. . . . Continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. (2 Tim. 1:5; 3:14–15)

Paul doesn’t commend Timothy for making his faith his own; he highlights how God used Eunice’s faithfulness in teaching Timothy the Word to bring Timothy to saving faith and develop his firm belief.

Similarly, I can look back and say I became a believer because of my parents (e.g., regular Scripture reading, praying with me nightly even into adulthood, regularly rehearsing the gospel with me). I wasn’t pursuing faith like a person stranded in the desert looking for water. Rather, the Lord used my parents’ faithful discipleship. We ought not to minimize the channels through which gospel seed is dispensed and discipleship is cultivated, whether that’s through teaching from the pulpit or in the living room.

We ought not to minimize the channels through which the seed of the gospel is dispensed and discipleship is cultivated.

When we do, we risk misguiding not only children but also parents. When parents come to believe that their children need to make their faith their own, it can loosen the parents’ sense of responsibility for the ordinary work of discipleship.

The Bible teaches that seeds of faith can be planted and grown through means of teaching, modeling, and retelling God’s wondrous works—especially in the home (Deut. 6:6–7; Ps. 78:5–7; 2 Tim. 1:5; 3:14–15).

Christ Fulfilled the Law

I grew up thinking that to make my faith my own meant I had to forsake some sin before I could genuinely embrace Christ. Or perhaps I needed to prepare myself for conversion through manifesting enough emotion or an inner willingness to forsake all else. I felt I could have peace with God only when my performance was up to snuff.

While it’s right to call children and teens to forsake their sin, telling them to make their faith their own may create confusion about the relationship between the law and the gospel. The weight of the law is meant to drive our children to Christ, who perfectly fulfilled its requirements. Christ alone, received with the empty hands of faith, grants us his righteousness and then transforms our hearts.

Rather than calling kids to make their faith their own, let’s call them to respond to Christ, the author and finisher of their faith (Heb. 12:2). Once they find refuge in the comforts of the gospel, we can point them to the law as their guide and “kind advisor.”

Better Way

We rightly desire to see children in our homes and churches “work out [their] own salvation” (Phil. 2:12), and it’s good for us to encourage them to actively seek the Lord. But we need to be thoughtful in how we talk to them about it. And we need to talk to the Lord about it regularly. I’ve found these two prayers helpful.

First, for kids who have professed faith, I pray that their faith would be tested and nourished to full maturity. That’s how Peter speaks: “that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Pet. 1:7; emphasis added).

Rather than calling kids to make their faith their own, let’s call them to respond to Christ, the author and finisher of their faith.

Second, if they’re not regenerated, I pray that Christ will make them his own. Our kids can then rightly pursue, by the Spirit, growth in knowledge of Christ and conformity to his image, as Paul pursued it: “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own” (Phil. 3:12; emphasis added).

No, our kids don’t need to make their faith their own, but we can pray that Christ’s truth prevails over unbelief and possesses their hearts, resulting in the knowledge of Christ coming to full flower.