Must We Forgive Those Who Sin Against Us If They Don’t Repent?

All Christians at some point will face the difficult task of forgiving someone who’s sinned against them. The apostle Paul calls us to do so in a manner that imitates the Father: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:32). But how do we practice this forgiveness if the offender doesn’t repent? Are we obligated to forgive, even if the person doesn’t recognize how he or she wronged us?

That’s the question considered in this new six-minute roundtable, featuring TGC Council members Mike Bullmore (senior pastor of CrossWay Community Church in Kenosha, Wisconsin), Vermon Pierre (lead pastor for preaching and mission at Roosevelt Community Church in Phoenix, Arizona), and Ryan Kelly (pastor for preaching at Desert Springs Church in Albuquerque, New Mexico). Kelly encourages us to examine ourselves before we demand repentance from others, to be “self-suspicious” as he calls it. Pierre suggests we frame the issue in terms of forgiveness and reconciliation. Bullmore speaks to the way Romans 12:18 helps him pursue a posture of peace with others.

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Offense will happen in the church. Sometimes God’s Word requires us to call a brother or sister to repent (Matt. 18:15); sometimes it simply calls us to “put up” with one another (Col. 3:13). Watch this video (or listen below) to help you do both faithfully, patiently bearing with others until the day God rights every wrong and reconciles all things by his blood.

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Imagine a life where you don’t feel inadequate, easily offended, desperate to prove yourself, or endlessly preoccupied with how you look to others. Imagine relishing, not resenting, the success of others. Living this way isn’t far-fetched. It’s actually guaranteed to believers, as they learn to receive God’s approval, rather than striving to earn it.

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Mike Bullmore (MDiv, ThM, PhD Northwestern University) served for 25 years as Senior Pastor of Crossway Community Church in Bristol, WI and is now teaching and training pastors in multiple venues. He is a founding member of The Gospel Coalition. He and his wife, Beverly, have three adult children and a growing number of grand-children.

Ryan Kelly (PhD, Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam) is the pastor for preaching at Desert Springs Church in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and a Board member of The Gospel Coalition. Among other publications, he contributed to The Ashgate Research Companion on John Owen’s Theology. He and his wife, Sarah, have four children.

Vermon Pierre (MDiv, Trinity Evangelical Divinity School) is a founding pastor and the lead pastor at Roosevelt Community Church in Phoenix, Arizona, and a Council member of The Gospel Coalition. He is the author of Gospel Shaped Living and Dearly Beloved: How God’s Love for His Church Deepens Our Love for Each Other. He is also a cohost for The Un-Silent Church podcast. He and his wife, Dennae, live in downtown Phoenix and have five children.