“Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer; answer me, for I need your help”. Ps. 86:1
Father, the weight of the darkness makes it difficult for me to wait for your deliverance. Hold me tightly, for I feel my grasp is growing weaker and weaker. Will this sorrow ever lift? Will my fears always outnumber my hopes? Will my heart ever sing again?
I would completely despair if you hadn’t written the Gospel upon my heart and hid my life in Jesus. If you didn’t write with indelible grace-ink, the accuser and condemner would have long sense erased all memory of your goodness from my soul. Though my conscience and emotions mock me, I rest in your promises that I am yours, that you love me, and that you will never leave me and will finish your work in me.
“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?” Ps. 43:5
Father, I feel like a leper in a world of healthy people. I am alone, and I choose aloneness over the threat of judgment and more shame. Please keep people like Job’s friends far from me. I’m not a project to be fixed, a riddle to be solved, or a waif to be pitied. Who can possibly understand what it feels like to be me? Who will meet me in this pain? Only you, my God, only you can.
I’m sorry that I cannot run to you, Father. I have no strength and little will. The best I can do is to collapse on Jesus. So I fall on the one who took my place and bore my shame. Meet me here, Father, pour your mercy upon me. For Jesus’ sake, I make my plea.
“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?” Ps. 13:1
Father, I want to be near you, but as the same time, I want to keep my distance. I understand why Adam hid from you, but I also am angry and confused that you seem far away. Lord, I’m a mess, in desperate need of your mercy. I know what I believe, but feelings of dread and voices of darkness have worn me out. I’m heartsick, body weary, and weak-willed.
Yet I will look to you, Father, and for you. In the past, you have dealt with me graciously—I cannot deny that. In my most sane moments, I know you are good. I’m afraid to hope, but I’m more afraid not to hope. Come, Lord, come. Let me see Jesus again—through my tears. I remember, and long to be restored to the days of grace and peace. Father me, Father.
So Very Amen
