Yesterday we looked at how to begin at your new church. But sometimes the harder move is leaving your old church. I don’t want to give advice on when to leave a church. Let’s assume the reasons make sense and now the question is how to leave. What should you do?

  1.  Try to leave graciously. When someone voluntarily leaves a church (not because of a move or a graduation or a deployment) it is usually a painful experience. You’ve probably been hurt or disappointed. Maybe you dislike the new pastor or the new direction of the church. The temptation in these situations will be toward bitterness. You may want to leave with all your guns ablazin’ but the approach that feels good isn’t always the one that is good. Better to err on the side of gentleness and let the Lord repay your enemies. This also makes it easier for you to admit wrong if you should find some down the road.
  2. Tell the pastor you are leaving. This may be the most important point. Please let someone know you are going. You may want people to notice you are gone, and a good elder board will notice, but if you’ve already decided to leave now is not the time for sour grapes. If you tell the leaders you are leaving, they can pray for you. Maybe they can clear up a misunderstanding. Or maybe they need to learn from your experience. Just don’t go silently into that good night.
  3. Leave off a ledge. I got this imagery from a dear member who recently left our church and did so with great grace and magnanimity. He told me that as he thought about leaving he decided he didn’t want to drift away, slowly pulling away and dropping his commitments. He said he’d rather take a leap off the ledge and be fully engaged until the moment when he decided it was time to go. Be in while you are in, and then when you are out, jump right out.
  4. Learn how to kindly and honestly answer the question “Why did you leave?” People will ask you, so figure out your answer. Don’t kill someone’s character or disembowel the whole church with your reply. Don’t lie either. A simple, straightforward answer will suffice. We didn’t agree with the direction of the church. We disagreed with some of the doctrines being taught. We didn’t feel like we could submit ourselves to the authority of the church any longer. Tell the truth, but speak it in the manner you would want the church to speak about you.
  5. Develop a plan right away for how you will look for a new church. It may take you some time to settle in a new place, but start working on your plan right away. Will you visit these ten churches? Or two churches? Will you visit them once or three times? What is important to you (and your family, and God!) in finding a church? Don’t allow yourself to float aimlessly for months and years. Too many church floaters just float away.
  6. Don’t burn bridges. If you were a faithful member of your previous church, you will keep running into those who are still there. You’ll see them at weddings, funerals, open houses, and school functions. Maybe even family reunions! It’s bound to be a little awkward but do what you can to keep the relationships intact. Many of them are worth saving. And you may need them later.
  7. Keep praying and ask others to pray for you. The ties that bind are not broken easily. In some ways they don’t have to. Obviously, the relationship changes when you leave a church, but you should still want what is best for all those you left behind. And hopefully they still care for you. It never hurts to have more prayer.
Print Friendly
View Comments

Comments:


48 thoughts on “How to Leave Your Old Church”

  1. Dennis says:

    Helpful. I have had strong desires to look for another church (I’m not a church hopper – between 10 and 20 years at my current church), driven by changes in my own doctrinal views and a strong sense that my leadership embraces a more “generic” or “practical” emphasis of Christianity, with church practices guided more by preferences than subjection to the authority of Scripture. But my spouse is not at all on the same page as I am. It’s become a simmering marriage issue. So for now, the issue at hand for me as a husband and a man is how to gracefully stay when every bone in my body wants to move on.

  2. MBH says:

    It seems fairly common that when someone leaves a church and they don’t really have a good or mature reason for leaving, they tend to look for and accumulate lots of little faults in the church so that they can justify leaving to their friends. They try to get friend to agree with their petty critics in the process. This can be toxic.

    So, be on guard against sowing seeds of discontentment on the way out just so you feel less guilty about leaving.

  3. John T. Jeffery says:

    I cannot remember ever reading or hearing anything so well thought out and presented on this subject. Hopefully it will do some good for someone who reads it either now or in the future.

  4. Rose says:

    I think you are right that it is best just to leave without trying to work out problems or use the courts of a church. After all, just as Loki points out in the “Avengers,” we will be happiest when we submit to the demi-gods. That is what we are made for. I tried doing it another way one time, unlike the streams of folks who visited and left the church I belonged to, thinking that there was more to a church than just the pastor and the preaching. Presbytery ultimately didn’t agree. They understood where I was coming from, but thought that I would be happier at a different church. Now it is really hard to settle into a new church. I just want to fly under the radar and hope that I am not noticed by the leadership of the new church.

  5. George says:

    Great article EVERY Christian must read! … written from a pastor’s perspective. The only thing I would add is that, IMHO there should be another step… let’s say Step 1.5 – You should have already voiced your concern with the church leadership PRIOR to your decision to leave. In other words, the Pastor should NEVER be surpised at your decision to leave. A mature believer understands that being a member of a church is not like being a member of a country club… you don’t just pick up your stuff and go when you are offended, or when feel like it. Membership is a spiritual covenant that you make, submitting to the leadership of that church. Any concerns as to direction, process, or doctrines should have been discussed when they were first identified within yourself…. and discussed ONLY with the pastor or church leadership! Then, if things are still not resolved, it may be time to leave… and the Pastor should be willing to release you, and/or send you out.

  6. SoSpricht says:

    Thank you, Kevin… This post was encouraging… not all who leave their beloved churches behind have ill motives or bad reasons. This is a short helpful guide for those who have decided to leave their “old church” and start anew elsewhere.

  7. Susan says:

    Excellent post! We did all of these things when we left our old church, but unfortunately, the church was the one who spread rumors behind our backs instead, so it worked the opposite way. Still, we were at peace with our decision not to gossip or backbite and the Lord blessed that. Such a good post!

  8. Ronaldo says:

    Thanks for the well thought-out points. But I must humbly register a disagreement. While there’s nothing wrong with the advice per se, I disagree with the implied premise. I believe it leaves too much to our subjective judgment as to when to leave. And I realize I’m being a bit unfair in that, this wasn’t the primary purpose of the post (so perhaps you will agree with what I write below). But to say “Let’s assume the reasons make sense”, or “Maybe you dislike the new pastor” plays too much into the Western mindset of my-way-or-the-highway. I don’t see this kind of church-man-ship in the New Testament. Then again, in 1st century Palestine, they didn’t have Amazon.com or Costco to pick and choose everything we like. They didn’t have 10 churches from 7 different denominations within a block of their house. Here is, I believe, a better FIRST approach (then the advice above could apply):

    1) Deciding to leave a church? Think again. Think real hard. Are the broken relationships that inevitably come worth the reasons you’re leaving? Can’t you, for the sake of the peace of the church and the gospel, tolerate the hymns (if you prefer praise choruses, or vice versa)? Are the too-long sermons really worth breaking communion with other believers? (Part of the problem of course, is that the church doesn’t take discipline and communion seriously enough, so people can slip in, and slip out too easily).

    2) Think even further. The church is the bride of Christ. Not his girlfriend. That doesn’t mean there are never reasons to leave a church. But “I prayed about it and it felt right” doesn’t seem in keeping with the covenantal God we serve. Think about what your leaving communicates to your children – “when things aren’t to our liking, we leave”. No wonder divorce among Christians is so high. If we make light of the greater union we have with Christ which is played out through our communion in the church, our children will certainly make note of that.

    3) Think one more time. If my history memory serves, Luther never left the Roman Catholic church (and if anybody ever had a good reason to…). There may be opportunity for reform. Try all avenues. Be a peacemaker. Only when you’ve exhausted all routes, and the issue is truly a make-or-break doctrinal issue, should you leave. Apart from doctrinal issues, or some other very unique circumstances (e.g., you had an affair and it would be healthier to move with your family to another church with your elders’ counsel), I can’t think of another Biblical reason to leave a church. I really can’t.

    Sorry if I’m coming across a bit rough – I don’t mean to. But I think the church in the West is in dire straits. I am thankful for this blog and the light is has shed in so many areas. And I write all this simply as a concerned church member, as I am not a pastor or elder.

  9. Rose says:

    Ronaldo, As it’s been explained to me, Acts 15:36 – 40 gives the biblical justification to leave a congregation over a disagreement, or at least for suggesting that a person leave whose legitimate concerns you’d rather not address as an elder. Of course, leaving a particular congregation is not divorcing the bride of Christ.

  10. JAQ says:

    Renaldo, very nicely written. You hit on a key issue that very few people think about when leaving a church – even if they believe they are leaving for the right reason. Your elders are to care for the flock and they need to know your concerns. There can be doctrinal differences and even other issues, but even then they should be brought to the elders attention. If, by matter of conscious, the difference cannot be satisified, it would be the elders working with members under their care, helping them find another faithful congregation that the elders in good conscious could let them go.

  11. Ronaldo says:

    Since I took so much space above, I just want to briefly address Acts 15. Acts 15 describes a split among brothers, but does not justify it. There seems to have been a dispute among those men – the Apostles and others were not infallible. People do leave churches, and that does not mean they have necessarily left Christ – we are not eternally married to one particular church. But Acts 15 does not provide justification for leaving. Historically, it has been accepted that a major doctrinal issue (e.g., sola fide) is justification to leave a church.

  12. Faithworks says:

    Maybe there should be an article sometime about how a church should leave a denomination.

  13. I wish I would have seen this last year. A year ago the Lord began telling me he wanted me to go to a land He would show me. I stepped down as youth minister, and slowly removed myself from other obligations in the church. I felt like He wanted me to move on and it was very difficult. Although I had been hurt by members of the church when I did so, I did not want to leave angry or bitter. I also was fearful of walking on the water. My husband and my children needed a good transition into a new church. So I waited and I prayed. It was a very difficult time. I began ministry outside the four walls of the church, and then God actually gave me the name of a local Pastor in my prayer time. I had to go to my pastor to ask who it was. I began going to the church every other Sunday to confirm what I felt the Lord is saying. When I did finally leave I had to battle with uprooting my family, fear of the unknown, and a pastor who was very unfriendly when I stopped by to say hello after leaving. It hurt me very much, but all I could do was pray for him. Now I am getting established in the church I have been attending since January. I have done most of what you spoke about in your previous post. Sometimes leaving is God’s plan and this is still a very helpful resource in that situation. I have lost many friends and church family because of the decision to obey, but God will restore to me double for my former trouble. The loving arms of those sisters and brothers in my new church have been those of people such as Christ with skin on.

  14. Douglas says:

    Be like me Bro and get physically thrown out and told never to come back. The Church my wife and I were married in of all places. Just because I said the Scripture twisting false teacher Brian Houston from Hillsomg Australia was wrong about the prosperity gospel. He did say “none of you disagree with the prosperity gospel here do you?” I jumped and said rather loudly; “Yes, I do.” Well, all hell broke loose and the bouncers grabbed me and out I went. Lovely eh.

  15. Flyaway says:

    My husband and I left our old church in 2009. God is working mightely in our new church. This was the letter I wrote. Up to half the board won’t speak to me. I keep them in my prayers.
    April 19, 2009
    Dear Pastor Mike and Shoreline Covenant Church Board,
    After much prayer and discussion it is with deep regret that I withdraw my membership at SCC, and Chris has already done so.
    I have delighted in Pastor Mike’s sermons and will miss the people of this church. I thank God for the women in the Wednesday morning prayer group, the faith He has given them, and their blessing of acceptance and love! We prayed for revival in the Church this year and God has chosen revival in me! Jana has helped me to ease back into Sunday school teaching as for years I’ve suffered with chronic pain which has kept me from most ministries. But I must find a fellowship where God’s laws and precepts are upheld in every area of life as each of us will give an account of ourselves before God someday (Romans 14:12).
    On Sunday, March 29, Pastor Mike mentioned in his sermon that John the Baptist criticized Herod and his wife for their immoral acts. Because of this scripture and others I am convinced that we as Christians must love others enough to tell them the truth. Both the Church and State are under God. When the State refuses to protect life and moral sexual relations the Church must speak out. One way Christians can speak out against immorality is by our votes. But how do we respond within the body relating to the issue of abortion and sodomy? I have included hand outs on what the Bible says about abortion and a work sheet on when to break fellowship. I have included hand outs on revisionist theology explaining the pro-gay agenda. (I have already given these to Pastor Mike.)
    Previous to this sermon I attended a Bible study with Dennis and Sue Pool. I became concerned about the direction Shoreline Covenant Church was taking because of the SCC’s decision to hire Dennis. I feel his theology is bordering on heresy.( If the leaders of the church tolerate seriously errant doctrine from any who are given teaching authority in the fellowship (Rom. 16:17)is a warning.) I discussed with Dennis his beliefs about war, homosexuality, and abortion. He gave me the impression that he believes the most important thing we can do as Christians is to stop war. He displays a “moveon.org “bumper sticker on his car. He forgets that God said in Daniel 9:26 that we will have war until the end. Jesus said in Matthew 24:6 “You will hear of wars and rumors of wars.” Others in the group questioned him on this issue and he disagreed with the group. No one likes war. We should avoid it as much as possible but I do not find scriptures that call war immoral.
    During the Bible study Dennis was trying to rationalize that the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah was rape and inhospitality rather than sodomy. I asked him if he was for “Gay Marriage?” He did not answer my question and refused to debate with me further. I do find scriptures which call alternative lifestyles immoral.
    I found this definition in the dictionary: Heresy—Any opinion (in philosophy, politics, etc,) opposed to official or established views or doctrines. — This caused me to ask Pastor Mike if it is heresy for a Christian to support a politician or a political party which supports alternative lifestyles and abortion. He defended Christians voting for these politicians and political platforms and said that if it was heresy, up to ½ the congregation would be heretics. I did more research to combat Pastor Mike’s arguments. Below is what I found in my research from Focus on the Family:
    “The pro-gay… (abortion and suicide) …revisionist theology threatens to substantially alter the Christian church and biblical doctrine. When God is said to sanction what He plainly forbids, then a serious heresy is unfolding before us in bold fashion. Confronting this false doctrine lovingly – but firmly – is necessary because this revisionist theology demands that we confirm professing Christians in their sin, when we are biblically commanded to do just the opposite.”
    SCC is not speaking out against the murder of the pre born, alternative lifestyles, and suicide for the ill who wish to end their lives. OUR STATE SUPPORTS THESE SINS. WE COULD HAVE DEFEATED THESE LAWS BY OUR VOTES. Many in the congregation have bought in to the lies of Satan and have gone with the flow of the culture. They have put the environment, education, and health care above the life of a baby, and above voting against the sins of sodomy, and suicide. I don’t find anything in scripture which calls our laws about the environment, education, and health care immoral. But I do find our laws about abortion, sodomy, and suicide immoral. May God wake up the Church!

  16. Rose says:

    Susan, I really feel for you when you say that the church spread rumors behind your back when you left it. I had a pastor at a church I had been visiting for a couple of months tell the pastor at the next church I visited that my family had made a habit of visiting churches, picking fights, and then leaving. This was so far from the truth! And yet the new pastor, rather than asking us about it, told us not to come back until we had “made it right” with the gossiping pastor. Pastor’s fellowships are not always a good thing.

  17. solagratia says:

    Whilst there are some reasonable ‘leaving’ tactics discussed here, the article doesn’t do justice to the idea of changing Church very well at all.

    1: it is not possible to leave the Church since the Church is the bride of Christ and consists of only those who have truly been justified by faith.

    Assuming you refer to the act of leaving a physical location of a group of people and shifting to another:

    2: pray in sincerity for an extended period of time to seek God’s will in the matter. We all too often up and leave a Church for the sake of pettiness, revenge, blind arrogance, and a refusal to submit to those in authority for a variety of reasons, most of which arise from our own pride. Pray without ceasing and in supplication and thanksgiving.

    3: If the direction your heart now leads is to a dissolving of the relationship then submit yourself to a round of discussions. YOU put the first foot forward, in humility, and candidly approach the elders with your concerns. Have them pray with you and for you. Discuss the issues that you feel are causing the separation. Get your heart on the table for others to see. If you are not prepared to do this then your reasons are likely selfish and full of pride.

    4: Continue in prayer … pray always. Not the ‘Dear God, I need to leave this Church …’ prayer. No. “Dear God, I am your child and I wish to do your will. Through the means at our disposal, please reveal to us what is your will …’

    Always remember that the heart is deceitful and wicked above all things – who can know it. This applies to every single one of us. Our motives are tainted with sin. Our desires are not yet fully fixed on heaven, but rather, they seek selfish pleasure and prideful earthly outcomes. Do not trust your own heart in such a grave matter – gain the advice and counsel of many. Leaving Church is akin to divorce and remarriage. We become an intimate part of a group of believers – we serve with them – we pray and cry with them – we know them and love them. It is only for reasons of adultery that we can move on to another.

  18. solagratia says:

    BTW, Rose, your believing that Paul and Barnabas’ separation is warrant for ‘Church changing’ is not in line with the whole of Scripture. Their separation was sinful. It was over a disagreement. One or both would not listen to reasonable counsel. One or both spat the dummy. One or both were in sin, and the disruption was harmful to the Gospel in that place.
    The Bible teaches a unity of purpose and spirit. We are one in Christ Jesus not several. We are obliged to stay true to the Gospel which was first preached. It is only when the gospel is perverted (adultery), not according to a private interpretation, but rather by a consensus of many who are in prayer about the matter for a long time, that we have an explicit reason for separation.
    We should not us another’s sin as justification for our prideful inappropriate actions :)

  19. Rose says:

    @solagratia: I can see that the whole of Scripture would support your assertion that the disagreement of Paul and Barnabas was sinful, but I think you go beyond the limits placed on you by the text to conclude that their separation was sinful. I am reminded of one pastor I knew who claimed that Naomi and Elimilech were sinning in moving to Moab during the famine in Israel, despite the fact that the text never says it and that the Shunammite woman was specifically directed by Elisha to move to Samaria during another famine. So many are willing to impose their private interpretation on others because they believe that God has actually given them his own authority to tell their brothers, “Know the Lord,” and to rule their brothers’ consciences. In fact, they are lording it over their brethren. Such authority is usurped and imaginary. We have good scriptural warrant to resist those who would so bring us into bondage, contrary to the Lord’s will for his people.

  20. solagratia says:

    Hi Rose,

    My point was not actually the focus of the cause of the split, nor was it really to do with the outcome. Whilst I cannot see any warrant to divorce from a Church whatsoever in the text of which you speak, the real point is twofold:

    1: so many today are willing to abrogate scripture, by making Church shopping no different to mall shopping. They do so without respect the nature and function of the local Church.

    2: so many are ready and willing to place their own pride, envy, and personal disagreements, above the authority of the Church.

    When a Church is functioning well there are mechanisms and processes in place to keep everything in check and balanced. Just because sinful men abuse that position is not automatically warrant to go Church shopping.

    The right response is to take the grievance to those in authority and to have the case evaluated. If a shepherd is in error they should be corrected. If the entire corpus of shepherds is in error, and if they are unwilling to field a discussion around the problem, then the severity of the error should be carefully evaluated against the contra outcomes that would arise by moving on.

    Where these types of interventions are not permitted, where a congregant is unable to plead a case and to be heard with respect and candour, and where there are no means to humbly challenge the leadership, then it is not a Church in the first place. It is more likely just a social gathering with religious overtones 

    Alas that latter is the predicament of many so-called Churches today. We should pray for them.

  21. Bruce Moon says:

    I think most reasons for leaving a church are purely egotistical – they are disgruntled, hurt, bitter, offended, wounded – and refuse to deal with these issues in a godly, Biblical manner. They hide these underlying causes, these unsanctified areas, under the guise of “wanting to grow more” and other such pretenses. Even most doctrinal issues, which can be serious, are exaggerated. For this, many Christians do not consider the damage they will do by leaving to the church, how it will hurt the people, the faith of others, the Body of Christ. “When God calls us to Himself,” Bonhoeffer said, “He calls us to die.” That means to my preferences, ego, personal desires, ambitions, and right to be offended.

  22. Anon says:

    This was very helpful, but Kevin I have a question:

    Regarding your first point. When leaving a church as a staff member, what is appropriate in an exit interview. Without going into details, the exit interview would be a negative one and there are serious concerns. I don’t want to go out guns blazing, but a staff member who has seen more and been mistreated more than the average member has a lto to reveal in an exit interview. Thoughts?

    Thanks again

  23. CL says:

    I needed this, I am a member of a church that I joined a year ago right after I got saved. since that time I have grown in my Theological understands, for one I take the position of monergism now, the church leadership is firmly upon synergism ..that’s not what bothers me. What bothered me were the random comments and answers regrading the topic that made me feel like I couldn’t openly state my position in the church without creating drama. The next issue was the location it’s in a city I moved out of sometime ago and really do not feel safe taking my family to because the crime has spiked ridiculously. Finally I discovered expository preaching and honestly can not live with out a steady diet of it. So at this point I have been visiting a church and introduced myself to the leadership now for a few months now..but I am still on the church roll at the other church. I do not see myself going back so I think I know what I need to do..tell them I am leaving.

  24. Rose says:

    I don’t think that, by in large, people leave churches for egotistical reasons. Rather, I think pastors drive people away from churches for egotistical reasons. God’s children are drawn to Christ and want to be part of Christ’s church, not pastor so-and-so’s church. When preaching “has as its goal not a clear conscience before God in Christ, but a burdened conscience and a submissive man before priest and politician,” God’s people feel it. Maybe not right away, but they hear the voice of the indwelling Spirit saying, “this is not the way.” I don’t think pastors realize how their defensiveness, combativeness, and self-will, their grasping onto authority, hurt people, the faith of others, the Body of Christ.

    I like the quote that Bruce Moon shared from Bonhoeffer and am saddened by how often I have seen a man get into the pulpit with his “preferences, ego, personal desires, ambitions, and right to be offended.” They don’t submit themselves to the text, but expect the church to submit to them. Other pastors also have a hard time seeing the harm that is being done. They more easily sympathize with the pastor than the people, and the pastor communicates more easily with them, so the people’s concerns are not really heard, while they are dismissed as being “disgruntled”. I think that is why people leave churches.

  25. Anna says:

    Thank you for this. My husband and I are currently struggling with considering to leave our church. We love our church family, I’ve been going to that church for 30 years. The Lord has recently revealed to my husband and I reformed theology, and a true gospel.

    Things I’ve never noticed before about our church extremely bother me now. The gospel that is preached, the way the money is spent, the way the hiring system is, the books in the library, the emergent bible studies, the church growth systems, the church government (I don’t even know if it is okay at all to have a board that runs the church besides the elders board and the deacons)… honestly, it’s just a mess. We’ve found one elder who seems to want to work with us a bit and hear us out… if that elder gets exhausted of our concerns, it’s done. We are trying our best to bring our concerns, but they are extensive and varied. We have slowly started moving away, because while we are working on things with the elders we can’t in good conscience be involved where we were involved. Please pray for us.

  26. This is a profoundly thoughtful and well-written set of ‘rules’ I wish ALL exiting church members practiced. As a staff leader for many years, I especially appreciate exiting members letting me — or another pastor — hear of their leaving from them. That gracious gesture conveys a level of respect that goes a long way. It often provides the opportunity for honest discourse and an appropriate sense of closure. Thanks for sharing this.

  27. Michelle G says:

    As a church secretary, I think this information should be disseminated to everyone who attends church! Sometimes, God brings us to a church for “a season”, rather than a lifetime and there is no reason to hide the fact that one is leaving. Some people are very sporadic in their attendance and it is hard to know when they are just irregular attenders vs. having left the church.

    We try to keep regular contact with our people via church mailboxes, mailings and phone notifications. It would be kind to let us know if you’ve moved on to another place or just left the church altogether (though that makes me sad and I would hope that we could encourage you to continue your walk in our church or another.)

    As believers, we need to learn to deal honestly with one another. Letting leadership know that you are leaving the church is the right thing to do!

  28. Good recommendations. We always ask those who desire membership with us to handle closure with their former Church association with the grace of the gospel. But you might find this piece I wrote from a different perspective helpful:

    When people leave a Church: (guidance for Church leaders)

    How should a local Church respond when members or regular attendees leave the assembly? How can Church leaders minimize potential misperceptions and unnecessary disruptions of unity?

    http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/2012/04/10/when-people-leave-a-church-guidance-for-church-leaders/

  29. concerned says:

    To Flyaway – If it is possible for you to remove or edit your post of 5-27-2012 I think it is advisable. In a public forum like this, it is inappropriate to include specific names, particularly of specific individuals.

  30. interested citizen says:

    The reply comments to this post evidence that there is no “one size fits all.” Kevin’s advice is good. Nevertheless, rigid, set-in-stone, black-and-white application isn’t possible. The situations are varied, and reasons within a given situation are also varied. Whether another persons reasons are right or wrong isn’t ours to judge. Certainly, we can have a viewpoint and opinion; however, it is only that, our view from limited perspective and with inability to know the heart of the other individual.

  31. Patricia Pope says:

    I just found this post, so maybe what I’m going to say has already been addressed. But one thing would be helpful is advice for those still at the church where someone has left. If the person doesn’t have a beef with you, don’t just drop them like a hot potato or act like they’re radioactive waste. So often, when someone leaves, that it ends any relationship. Churches really have to do better, particularly if we really believe that we’re all part of the family of God.

  32. Nat says:

    i have been thinking about leaving my church because i am so wounded,.i have been abuse and have been suffering from suicidal issues, but i keep on fighting through the years,right now my trail is still going on and there is not one person i know i can go to in my church and have their support without been feel like i am judge. when i seek for help in my church they just act like my issues are is contagious.i confide in my choir director about some things in my past and she spread it all over the congregation and she make reference to me as been weak and sick in my head.then she threw me out of the worship ministry.further more the only true friend that i have at that church, husband told her if she do not stop being my friend they cannot have a happy marriage. i start feeing like damage goods

  33. Nestor says:

    a person in a church should have a pace to go rather than float aimlessly. Take a few Sundays to check out other churches. I disagree with the ledge comment. It takes time to know a church and the decision to leave a church or pick a new one should be slow.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Kevin DeYoung


Kevin DeYoung is senior pastor of University Reformed Church (RCA) in East Lansing, Michigan, near Michigan State University. He and his wife Trisha have six young children. You can follow him on Twitter.

Kevin DeYoung's Books