Pastor, the presence of conflict doesn’t mean you’re failing. It may be that God is preparing you to grow.
In this video from TGC’s Pastor to Pastor series, pastor and TGC Board member Irwyn Ince reflects on the joys and trials of pastoral ministry, recalling the truth that carries him through difficult days.
Transcript
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Irwyn Ince
We have an enemy. You have an enemy. He is very real, and he seeks to kill and to steal and to destroy. But the conflict is not the enemy. Very often, conflict is the opportunity that that God is trying to do some work here, some sanctifying and some growth here.
Irwyn Ince
What do I love about being a pastor, it is good and right for a man to find pleasure or joy in his toil under the sun, for this is his lot in life. His toil under the sun is his lot in life, but it’s good to find pleasure in that. And there is a sense of joy and a sense of peace in knowing that I’m doing what God has called me to do. So above, above all, yes, the ability to come alongside and care for for people, to disciple people to to have the privilege of preaching the word of God as a part of my vocation. All of those things are parts of the joys of the pastoral work and ministry. But but maybe more significant then all of it is to know that this is what God has called me to do and so. And the reason why that’s important is because there are going to be days when you’re wondering, hmm, should I be doing something else? And not necessarily because you’re not called, but because it’s hard, right? And so, so having a sense that this is God’s call, and this is, there’s a pleasure there, that that is, there’s a gift of the Holy Spirit in the work of ministry. And I wouldn’t change that for anything. The most important thing about being a pastor that I didn’t learn in seminary, not only is conflict normal, conflict is not the enemy that we have an enemy. Have an enemy. He is very real, and he seeks to kill and to steal and to destroy. But the conflict is not the enemy. Very often, conflict is the opportunity that that God is trying to do some work here, some sanctifying and some growth here. And so When, when, whether it’s congregational conflict over an issue, whether it is the cultural polarization or the things in society that are having an impact on the church, whether it is marriages or family relationships that are in conflict, that that in a fallen and broken world, that’s normal. And so the expectation shouldn’t be Oh, things are going to go really, really well. Things are going really, really well when we have no conflict at all, that’s that. That’s the sign that things are going well. Sometimes, sometimes, actually the conflict is, is a sign of that as well, because the Lord is trying to grow us, right? And so and so that what that means then is okay. Now, how do I respond as a pastor or a leader in the midst of conflict? What do I actually do? How do I stop and pray and try to identify the source or the cause of the conflict and what the the right approach is to engage the conflict and not and not run away from it. The biggest mistake that I made as a brand new pastor was, I would call it impatience. Or a lack of discernment with how to actually bring people along to what may be a good idea, a good and godly idea. And so what I mean by that is I had a strong. Sense of let’s just use the word vision or mission and where we should go as a church, a decision that I was extremely excited about, and I thought would bring a real sense of life and purpose to our church. And I didn’t realize that you actually have to take time to to engage people well and hear people well as you pursue this vision. So my mistake was, oh, this is great. This is what we’re going to do, right? I’m going come on, right. And folk who are behind me are confused, upset, right in and I had to, you know, praise the Lord for the convicting power of the Holy Spirit, because it resulted in my having to stop come back to those same folks. Sit, listen, hear their hearts. Repent, confess. Seek forgiveness, um, and then allow time for those wounds to heal. And so this, this was my excitement and my energy, just because I’m excited and I’m convinced that this is the right thing to do the right direction to go doesn’t mean that I can just press full steam ahead.
Irwyn Ince
I remember this that Jesus loves His church, that Jesus, Jesus loves His church far more than I ever could. That that that Jesus loves this, these people he loves this place he is committed to the work of redemption and renewal and reconciliation, far more than I ever could be. And what that also means is that he loves me. He also means that I am in his hands. I’m in his care, and that there is nothing that happens that is outside of his good providence and plans for his world and for his people and so, so it doesn’t mean so, so I don’t ignore that. I’m in the pit. I don’t act like I’m not in pain or in the dumps or, as psalmist says, in the valley of the shadow of death, I don’t act like that. That’s not true. But in the middle of it, I remember, I remember Jesus is still on the throne. He’s still seated at the right hand of the Majesty on High he’s still interceding for all of his people. He’s still my great high priest. He’s still my good shepherd. He still loves and there will be a resolution, I don’t know when, I don’t know how, and I don’t know what, but there will be, because he is who he says he is, and I remember that, and that actually gives me a great source, a great sense of comfort and peace in the midst of those hard, hard days.
Irwyn Ince (MAR, Reformed Theological Seminary; DMin, Covenant Theological Seminary) serves as the coordinator of Mission to North America and adjunct professor of pastoral theology for Reformed Theological Seminary. Ince is also a Board member of The Gospel Coalition. He has contributed to the books Heal Us, Emmanuel and All Are Welcome: Toward a Multi-Everything Church and authored The Beautiful Community: Unity, Diversity, and the Church at Its Best and Hope Ain’t a Hustle: Persevering by Faith in a Wearying World. He and his wife, Kim, have four children.