Our culture is in a seemingly endless discussion about whether women can have it all, whether balancing work and family is possible for those who want to succeed professionally. As Millennials continue entering the workforce, and flexible options continue opening up, this discussion isn’t going away anytime soon.
In her new book, Unfinished Business, Anne-Marie Slaughter continues the conversation about women, men, work, and family with a fresh perspective on how we’re going to get it all done and thrive as a society. Slaughter’s central thesis is that we disadvantage women in the labor market by treating caregiving as a women’s issue. Having a more equal society requires recovering the value of caregiving and providing flexible options for people to make space for these roles in their lives.
Slaughter, professor of politics and international affairs at Princeton University and mother of two teenage sons, suggests there are two main drives in all people: competition and care. These desires have often been pitted against each other, forcing people—especially women—to choose between caregiving and career. In our quest to make women equal to men in the marketplace, we’ve diminished the value of the real work women have been doing since time began. Slaughter proposes we continue the good work done in the women’s movement by not only pushing for greater equality in every sphere (home and work), but also offering a robust understanding of the value of caregiving in a society.
Putting the ‘Mommy Wars’ Behind Us
Defenses are quickly raised in discussions on women, work, and caregiving; no wonder the “mommy wars” rage on. I appreciate that Slaughter attempts to put the fighting to rest. Valuing caregiving as equal with competition carries a lot of weight coming from an educated professional who readily admits she didn’t always think this way. It was refreshing to see her humility in admitting her prior bias against caregiving work.
Unfinished Business
Anne-Marie Slaughter
Slaughter draws out the societal benefit of caregiving by unpacking two paths forward:
1. We need to work together to make caregiving work.
2. We need to provide options for the varying seasons caregiving brings.
Slaughter attempts to remove the stigma of male involvement in caregiving work by pushing for equality in the home and in the marketplace. She calls out women for assuming their husbands can’t care for the kids as well as they can, acknowledging that, while it may look differently, fathers bring something necessary to the caregiving table.
I found this discussion helpful. Often in conservative circles we can paint a picture of the home as a place where Mom is superwoman and Dad can’t handle even basic tasks when she’s away. As one married to a man competent to handle the care of the home and kids while I’m away, I have wrestled with my own value as a stay-at-home mom. If I’m not superwoman, I’ve thought, then I must not be doing enough. Slaughter helped me see that my husband’s competence is an asset to my home and my children. It’s also a benefit to the work I do outside the home.
Slaughter also recognizes there are seasons that require greater focus on caregiving roles. Her own story, as shared in The Atlantic (“Why Women Still Can’t Have It All”), was the catalyst for this book. Through her attempts at balancing life with a career and a family, she provides an alternative plan in which men and women are given the freedom and flexibility to scale back and ramp up their careers based on the needs of those in their lives. By acknowledging there are seasons to our lives, Slaughter brings a necessary aspect to discussions of work/life balance. We can’t have it all, or at least not all at once.
Where We Differ
As far as I can tell Slaughter is not a follower of Christ, but I was greatly helped by her assessment of culture, people, and how we work. Yet as a Christian, I have some real reservations with how far her conclusions go. For Slaughter, removing the barrier to equality in work and home means removing biblical truths we’ve held for a long time. Some of her suggestions are helpful in removing stereotypes that are beyond Scripture (for example, men can’t cook, can’t take care of kids, and so on), but some go beyond what Christians will feel comfortable embracing. For example, as an advocate of LGBT equality, Slaughter regularly likens equality in the home to equality with couples regardless of sexual orientation. I felt it weakened her argument when she joined the two together, since the two are unrelated.
In addition, as a complementarian I was uncomfortable with how much Slaughter was willing to diminish the differences between men and women, especially regarding who’s responsible for care. At times it felt she was speaking out of both sides of her mouth. She advocates for the uniqueness of a woman’s voice in the marketplace while saying it doesn’t really matter who’s the lead parent in the home. But if being a woman matters in how you influence the labor force, then it must matter in how you parent as well. I’m not ready to concede that it doesn’t matter who provides the primary caregiving.
Perfect Model
Slaughter brings to light an important discussion about how we work and what our work offers society. There is benefit in men and women working together in caregiving roles. There is benefit in at-home work that goes beyond the walls of your home and directly influences society. There is benefit in having freedom and flexibility to care for those you love when they need it most while still maintaining options in your career. Society does better when we can successfully merge competition and care, the drive to succeed and the drive to nurture.
Don’t these two desires reflect the heart of Christ? In him there were no stereotypes since loved people completely, regardless of what they could do for him (care)—and yet he never wavered in his holy ambition (competition) as he set his face toward Jerusalem and embraced the cross for us. Since these desires were never at odds in his life, we ought not see them as conflicting in our work.
Slaughter is right. We need both competition and care to flourish as a society. And as we struggle with how to flesh it all out, we can do no better than look to Jesus himself.