I am reading through Practicing Affirmation: God-Centered Praise of Those Who Are Not God and have been regularly left pondering some thoughtful questions and answers. To the least, I’m enjoying the book and want to share one such experience.
Crabtree asks, “Is it wrong to desire to be loved?” He reasons through the answer below.
No. In fact, to not want to be loved by God is to be faithless, to expect God to act like something other than God. To be loved by God is good, and he gets the credit for being a glorious lover of the unlovely. In contrast, folly and sin conspire to make us desire to be made much of for our own sake only, thinking that we deserve to be loved. To make God a servile flatterer of our self-serving ego trip is idolatrous and deadly.
Similarly, it is not wrong to desire to be noticed, to be well thought of, to feel important, to be respected, to be recognized, to avoid conflict, to enjoy friendship, to have a good reputation, to be looked up to, to avoid the anger of someone, or to not suffer rejection—if our desire for such things is pure, meaning that God is seen as the Giver, the Root, the Fountain from which such things are flowing.
It’s not wrong per se to desire:
- to be noticed, if we are letting our light so shine that when people see our good works they glorify our Father in heaven (Matt. 5:16).
- to avoid the anger of someone, if you are not cowardly but are courageously and faithfully leaving vengeance to the wrath of God (Rom. 12:18–19).
- to be well thought of, if we are approved of God (Rom. 14:18).
- to receive recognition, if we are recognized for having genuine faith (1 Cor. 11:19).
- to feel important, if we recognize we are making an important difference as instruments in the Redeemer’s hands (1 Cor. 15:10).
- to be respected, if we are respected for fulfilling our God-given office in God-given strength (2 Cor. 8:16).
- to avoid conflict, if our peacemaking is not at the expense of principle (2 Cor. 13:10–11).
- to be looked up to, if we are esteemed highly because of our work in the Lord (1 Thess. 5:12–13).
- to have a good reputation, if our good name (which is better than great riches) reflects The Name (2 Thess. 1:11–12).
- to enjoy friendship, if friendship is first and foremost with God and all other friendships are for God (Heb. 6:10–12).
Our fatal error is believing that wanting to be happy means wanting to be made much of. It feels so good to be affirmed. But when the good feeling is finally rooted in the worth of self, not the worth of God, this path to happiness is an illusion. (Practicing Affirmation, Sam Crabtree), 27-28
