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A Hidden Benefit of a Large Family is “Pack Life”

large family

I’ve always enjoyed those scenes in the old Westerns when a guy walks into a saloon. You know what happens next; the music stops, conversations stop, and people turn their heads to look at the alien who just walked into the room. It’s great television. Sometimes I feel like we are living the domestic version of this scene. Our family is considered large by today’s standards. My wife and I have six children (ages 4 to 20). We tend to do things together, and when we roll in with the kids the music stops, the heads turn, and people’s eyebrows give each-other hi-fives.

We have embraced the freakishness. You kind of have to. In a society where families are radically changing, both in terms of size and substance, the freak factor will only increase. We get funny comments ranging from the sarcastic to the sympathetic. It is always entertaining. However, one question that we don’t regularly get is, “What is it like?” Questions usually pivot on the detriment (time and money) rather than the benefit (to us and society). In this post I want to highlight a few of the particular benefits to a large family. In our house we call it the benefit of “pack-life.”

Sacrifice: When you have this many needs and wants combined with a limited amount of time and resources you must make sacrifices. Sometimes you are on the giving end, and other times you are on the receiving end. The small town that is our family tends to provide the daily balance of both. The pack life helps to remind you that it is about something bigger than you, and you actually can be joyful when others flourish and are happy. This a great prep course for “real life.”

Correction: As our family has grown and gotten older we have marveled at this feature of pack life. Often times the kids will work out their issues without having to come to a parent. I have overheard one child pointing out patterns of selfishness in the other’s life. Then another will come alongside and give some examples. This type of correction on the ground helps to keep things moving ahead. It’s not just about what gets tattled on, it’s about what the other kids don’t want to see continue. They have a stake and a share in the pack life. This has been a great blessing to watch develop and shepherd along.

Forgiveness: In our house when someone sins or does something hurtful to another we don’t say, “It’s ok” but instead say, “I forgive you.” This promotes the reality that sin requires confession and forgiveness. With eight people there are going to be issues pretty much daily where someone is going to have to forgive someone else. We have got to learn how to say “I am sorry” as well as “I forgive you.”

Sharing: Our kids do everything together, and as a result, they have to share. They share everything from food to bedrooms to clothes to brushes to lip gloss to toys. A long time ago we said that no one owns anything, everything is a share toy. It sounds crazy, but it has really worked. If the environment is intolerant of hoarding and saying “me-first” then sharing becomes the norm. The pack regulates this as a result of being deputized by Mom and Dad.

Friendship: We are overjoyed when we see the friendships and intimacy of relationship that comes from constant time together. The pack grows close and stays close. When one becomes distant they go after them. We’ve seen it and smiled to watch the pack unite. My wife and I treasure these things in our hearts as we prayerfully look forward to six families who are great friends together as they grow older.

Competition: Many authors have noted the benefit of a city as it provides a place where people with the same interests and skills can gather together. This creates a climate for competition. Healthy competition promotes hard work, humility, and discipline. Whether we are talking about instruments, cleaning, baseball, gymnastics, exercise, card tricks, cooking, showing honor, or whatever, the pack promotes competition. The siblings push each other to get better.

Trust: Day by day the kids see each other at their best and their worst. They also see Mom and Dad the same way. By God’s grace we are growing and maturing. In this context of more people living openly before one another (with an extra shot of immaturity and mischief mixed in) there are plenty of opportunities to be bitter and grudge-bearing. However, when grace reigns trust is built. So the formula of the pack shows more opportunity for failure as more opportunities for forgiveness, which is the platform for trust.

I am not laying out a law for family size or pointing my finger at smaller families. Instead, I am just highlighting some practical and encouraging benefits that we have seen in our (large) home and others like us. Pack life is great.

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