A Tip for Husbands


Being a pastor I get to talk to a lot of husbands. They want to have a good, healthy, happy marriage. Many of them are angling for a way to gain an advantage and show their wife that they love and care about her. But in my experience guys can run a little low on creativity and surprise. Doing the same things over and over again are nice and reassuring, but it can also be stale and kind of predictable. Here’s an idea that I’ve seen work well, and it’s easy. Consider it some garlic in your meatloaf.

Write some notes. That’s it. Write some notes to your wife.

(Now, I should clarify that I am advocating here for actual words on actual paper written by your actual hand. Texts, emails, and other electronic communication have their place, but they are different from what I am suggesting here.)

Here are some reasons why:

It shows you care. This makes sense, right? Your wife finds a note, and it stops her in her tracks. She pauses, picks it up, and reads it. You just injected your love, appreciation, and care for her. Interrupting your wife’s day with a pop-up ad of your appreciation and love is not a bad idea.

It’s personal. When you write out a note, you are doing so with your personal words in your personal handwriting. There is something unique and special about seeing and reading the words of the one whom we love. Take some time and (legibly) write out a note.

It’s intentional. There may be things that you wake up thinking about or have been thinking about during the day. Jot some thoughts down on a piece of paper. Perhaps you reinforce some evidence of grace in your wife’s life that you want to draw her attention to. Or maybe you could communicate some follow-up to a previous conversation. Perhaps you could encourage her amid a difficulty season of parenting, health, ministry, or conflict. There are countless way that you can sprinkle in some seasoning into your relationship through notes.

It’s romantic. When you write things down and set them aside for your wife to read, they have the opportunity to be romantic. Now, I should qualify this statement. If you are leaving notes that say, “I need deodorant” or “We are out of toilet paper” you are not going to hit this mark. While these types of notes may be functional they are not romantic. I am talking about the intentional, sweet, note that communicates thoughtful words of a husband to his wife. One more note: I suggest not leaving them in the same place all the time. Change it up a bit. Hide the notes and let her find them. Surprise is your ally in this quest, brothers. And resist the urge to call home at 0930 to ask, “Did you find my note?” Let her tell you when she wants to. You just keep on deploying your strategic communication knowing that in due time you will hear of her joy.

It’s easy. You don’t have to be overly creative or clever. Some guys can write poetry, turn a phrase, or draw pictures. These guys are great and should thank God for their unique skill set. The rest of us are just banging rocks together trying to make something happen. Grab your pen or pencil, a sticky note or an index card, and write something lovely. Personally, I keep paper and pens in my backpack so I can write something down. In the past I’ve set reminders in case I forget. It’s not as hard as you might think, but it is more important than you think.

It’s fun. At least I think so. I love my wife and enjoy talking with her. I also like making her happy. A note is an easy way to do both.

It’s worth it. In my own life and talking with a number of guys this is an easy and effective tool to show your love to your wife. Give it a shot and see for yourself.

So pick up a few sticky notes or index cards, set them in a place where you can get to them, and get after it.