She’s Having a Fetus

Photo by Olliss on Unsplash

 

The recent scrutiny of Planned Parenthood’s fetal organ harvesting operations has brought new attention to the organization’s use of euphemism. For example, rather than admit the organs were taken from an aborted human, they refer to hearts, livers, and limbs as coming from “products of conception.”

This is nothing new, of course, for Planned Parenthood has long displayed their skill in the art of circumlocution. Take, for example, this passage from their “Pregnancy Q&A.”

I’m pregnant. At what point in my pregnancy is it called a baby?

Women have different feelings about when to call it a baby. For some women, it is a baby from the first moment the pregnancy is confirmed or even suspected. For other women, the pregnancy doesn’t become a baby until much later. What’s most important is how the woman feels about it.

Most medical authorities, including Planned Parenthood, agree that it becomes a baby after birth when it takes its first breath. But we value women’s differing feelings about when to use the words embryo, fetus, or baby.

Do pregnant women really talk about carrying a “fetus” rather than a “baby”? I was skeptical until I overheard the following conversation at a local shopping mall:

Jan: “Marsha! How are you girl? I haven’t seen you in ages.”

Marsha: “Hey Jan, you’re looking great. How’ve you been?”

Jan: “Just peachy. Hey, guess what? I’m going to have a fetus! 

Marsha (excited): “I heard! That’s wonderful! Oh, I’m so happy for you. Isn’t it a blessing having parasites growing in us ?”

Jan: “Yes, but I have to confess—I’m jealous. I wanted to have twins too.”

Marsha: “Oh, I only have one fetus inside me now. Greg didn’t get his promotion so we decided to selectively reduce one of them.”

Jan: “Aww . . . well, that’s a valid choice. I was hoping to have two fetuses because this one is going to be used to harvest donor tissue for Alice. It took us forever to find an IVF facility that would help us with a designer fetus 

Marsha: “I’m glad everything worked out. So when is it due?”

Jan: “My doctor says I’ll be delivering sometime in October.”

Marsha: “No, I mean when’s it due to become a human.”

Jan: “Oh, well, Bobby and I draw the line sometime within the first few weeks after birth.”

Marsha: “Hmm, Greg and I think it occurs in the third trimester but I can respect that. It’s a valid choice.”

Jan: “Hey, what happened to Cindy? I heard she was having complications with her pregnancy. Did she ever deliver her fetus?”

Marsha: “She did. Back in September. But the baby was born retarded so, you know, she did the right thing and took a trip to Holland.”

Jan: “Uh, Marsha, it’s offensive to use the term ‘retarded.’ You should say ‘mentally challenged.’”

Marsha: “Oh my goodness, you’re right. I didn’t even realize I said that.”

Jan: “Don’t worry about it. But you are right about Cindy. That is so like her. She has always been so compassionate.”

Marsha: “Oh, I know. She was really thinking about the child. I mean, what kind of quality of life would it have?”

Jan: “Exactly. It’s just a shame that she has to go all the way to Europe to have the procedure.”

Marsha: “Tell me about it.  At least Cindy has the money to travel. Just think about the poor women that have to resort to back-alley euthanasia.”

Jan: (checking her watch) “Oh, no, I completely lost track of the time. I gotta get going.”

Marsha: “Where’re you headed off too?”

Jan: “My local chapter of PETA is holding a protest to stop the clubbing of baby seals.

Marsha (shocked): “Oh my goodness, I didn’t even know that horrible practice was still going on, that’s just . . . wait, we’re in California, where are they clubbing baby seals? And where is the protest located?”

Jan: “Online. In World of Warcraft some of the characters bash baby seals with clubs. Activists from across the Eastern Kingdoms and Kalimdor are banding together to put a stop to the atrocious seal slaughter.”

Marsha: “Oh. Okay. I see.”

Jan: “All life is sacred, Marsha. Even virtual life. If we don’t stop it there who knows where the culture of death will lead.”

Marsha: “So true. Well, kisses. Give Bobby my love.”

Jan: “Bye dear, and don’t forget. September 14th. Margaret Sanger Day. Margaritas at my house—virgin margaritas, of course.” (pats belly) “Wouldn’t want our fetusus to get fetal alcohol syndrome and be born retart . . .  er, mentally challenged.”

LOAD MORE
Loading