Matt Carter and Colt McCoy in The Real Win: A Man’s Quest for Authentic Success:

  1. I will tame my tongue. When it comes to my wife, I need to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.
  2. I will talk to my wife the way I would if a special and important person were visiting my home.
  3. I will always be upbeat and positive in my interactions with my wife. I am not called to critique her. I am called to love and accept her.
  4. I won’t use my words to try to take from her. I will just give and bless, thinking about what she needs, not what I need.
  5. I will strive to serve my wife every day.
  6. I will win my wife’s heart so she, in turn, will want to be mine.
  7. Just as divorce is not an option with me, I want that same reality to be true for negativity or harshness with my wife. It is not an option for me to be harsh with my wife. Not under any circumstance. Ever.
  8. I will sow seeds of righteousness by consistently committing to walk with the Lord. God will give me the power to bear this fruit and love my wife wholeheartedly.
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13 thoughts on “8 Resolutions for the Christian Husband”

  1. krisakson says:

    Ok, this is a keeper!

  2. Jenn says:

    This is great stuff. It can easily be modified for the wife :-)

  3. Rick Lowhorn says:

    Wow. Success is so not understood in our culture today. The thoughts of most men would quickly jump to things outside their relationship with their wife. How much am I making at the job, what are my possibilities for promotion, how many people work under my leadership, am I a good leader at the job, etc. Great words of truth with challenge I think for all of us husbands. Will we see that any success in this life is only possible as we love our wives just as Christ loved his church? Thanks again.

  4. Hermonta Godwin says:

    This is a horrible list. I do not know how a complementarian could buy into such. The list would only make sense if one believed that the wife was the head of the husband as Christ is the head of the Church. That is not what Scripture says. One is not able to be the head of anything or anyone if one is not able to critique them. As a committed complementarian/traditionalist, I would not even say that a wife could never critique her husband. I am just in shock at this list.

  5. Philippa says:

    Wow. I’m in shock at YOU, Hermonta Godwin. Unless your post is a spoof? :) I say this hopefully – I’m from the UK and we love satire! :D So, you know, thanks for the laugh. Good one! :)

    But if you are being serious (!!) … according to you, a man treating his wife as special, wanting to serve her and vowing not to be harsh with her, is ‘horrible’. Wow. Just wow.

    All I can say, as a single woman, is: find me a man like this and I’m his! :D Women need to know that they’re cherished, AND respected, by the man they love: just as men need to know that they’re respected, AND cherished, by the woman they love.

    I agree with you, actually, that husbands and wives should be allowed to critique each other. The ‘no harsh’ rule seems a bit unrealistic. There are times when a husband and wife will drive each other bats.

  6. Aaron says:

    Anyone else getting hung up on 2 and 3, or is it just me?

    2 – I’m not sure if the idea here is to be careful with your words – as you would be with a “special and important person” visiting your home (whatever that means). The intimacy and personal nature of marriage allows us to put our hair down, so to speak, with our spouse and hopefully allows us to speak freely. This resolution comes off awkward and impersonal to me.

    3 – Again, “always upbeat and positive” conjures images of me trying to talk to my wife like a smiley TV preacher talks to his congregation. This doesn’t seem to line up with the Christ/Church model of marriage and the sanctification process both spouses are a part of.

  7. Philippa says:

    I see what you mean, Aaron. :)

    About point 2 … women are not delicate little flowers who always have to be spoken to as if we were princesses at a garden party. I’m a very feminine woman. But I can also be feisty. My ideal man would not have to treat me with kid gloves 24/7. We could share stuff with each other. Uncensored.

    Re: point 3, I’m an introvert and I would probably get rather irritated by a husband who constantly addressed me in a chirpy, upbeat manner. :D (Although that would obviously be preferable to a grumpy, curmudgeonly one …;) )

    But I appreciate the good intent behind the sentiment. :)

  8. brian says:

    Regarding “critiquing” and being positive (which seems to have struck a cord), remember that Ephesians 5 and elsewhere references Christ’s desire to perfect and make pure and holy his bride (Church). And so, we can be positive in our critique. My wife needs to help me be a better person, and visa versa. And so, for example, if she’s continually speaking uncharitably about a friend, I should call her on it. If I tell off color jokes, she should chide me.

    P.S. I don’t think Hermonta was kidding.

  9. EricP says:

    As others noted, some good and some bad. It seems a stretch to call this 8 things. I see 2.
    1,2,3,4, and 7 all say speak nicely to our wives. (2,3,7 say put our wives on a pedestal)
    5,6, 8 are love your wife practically. (Although I can see 5 & 6 being different and 8 being a summary of the first 7)

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Trevin Wax


​Trevin Wax is managing editor of The Gospel Project at LifeWay Christian Resources, husband to Corina, father to Timothy, Julia, and David. You can follow him on Twitter. Click here for Trevin’s full bio.

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