One more forwarded to me from Fred:
Application To Date My Daughter
1. Name_________________________ Date of Birth____________
2. Height _________ Weight________ IQ________ GPA________
3. Social Security # ______________ Driver’s licence #__________
4. Boy Scout Rank_____________________________________
5. Home Address_____________ City/State ____________ Zip____
6. Do you have one male and one female parent? ____________
If no, explain answer _________________________________
7. Number of years parents married ________________________
8. Do you own a van? _______ A truck with oversized tires?______ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? _______ Do you have a tattoo?_________ (if yes to any of #8, discontinue application and leave the premises)
9. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you? ____________ ____________________________________________________.
10. In 50 words or less, what does “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER!” mean to you? __________________________________________________________.
11. Church you attend _______________ How often do you attend? ______________________
12. When is the best time to interview you father, mother, and bishop? Father ____________ Mother___________ Bishop__________
13. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer all questions freely, all answers are confidential (that means I won’t tell anyone ever — promise)
A. If I were shot, the last place I would want to be wounded is in the __________________
B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ____________
C. A woman’s place is in the _________________________
D. The one thing I hope this application doesn’t ask is________________________________________
E. When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is ______________
14. What do you want to be “if” you grow up? ________________
15. Are you willing to wear an electronic tracking device? _______
I swear all information supplied above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, dismemberment, crucifixion, electrocution, Chinese water torture, and red hot pokers.
Thank-you for you interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases.