In your book were written, every one of them the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I were to count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you. Ps. 139:16-18
Dear heavenly Father, it’s Ground Hog’s Day eve—February 1st, the day oxygen first filled my lungs and I had my first good cry—many years ago. And yet as “vast” and “great” as the sum of my years seems to me today, vaster and greater are my thoughts of you—especially as I understand more of the gospel.
The number of my years is calculated merely in terms of decades, but if I tried to “do the math”—in terms of how many mercies and how much grace you’ve lavished upon me, I’d have to count every grain of sand on every beach that’s ever existed. With David I can honestly say, “How precious to me are your thoughts” (Ps. 139:17).
It’s a source of incredible peace and freedom to know that you’ve ordained all of our days for us. That doesn’t feel like mechanical fatalism, rather Fatherly affection. I’ll not live one day more or one day less than you decree, by your sovereign purposes and eternal pleasure.
There’s a part of me that would like to turn the clock back for a possible “do-over,” especially for certain stretches of my life. But then again, not really. Your name is Redeemer, and you’re the God who restores years eaten away by locusts. I choose to rest in your love rather than stew in my regrets. I have great confidence and hope in your commitment to make all things new.
Continue to rescue me from my small and wrong thoughts about you. Keep showing me how little I really see and understand about the greatness of your love for us in Jesus. That won’t embarrass me; it will thrill and free me. May the gospel keep on getting bigger and bigger and bigger.
Indeed, may each additional day, week, month, or year you appoint for me in this world be filled with a greater grasp of the only love which will never let go of us—the only love that is enough, the only love that is better than life, itself. By your Spirit, Father, continue to reveal to me how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ—the only love that surpasses knowledge (Eph. 3:18-19). Everything else will take care of itself. So very Amen I pray, in Jesus’ matchless and merciful name.