“At one time William Nagenda and I were sharing an exhausting preaching itinerary overseas.  Along the way I became jealous of the success of my brother.  I became critical of everything he said.  Each sentence was wrong or ungrammatical or unscriptural.  His gestures were hypocritical.  Everything about my brother was wrong, wrong, wrong.  The more I criticized, the colder I became.  I was icy and lonely and homesick.  I was under conviction by the Holy Spirit, but I went on seeking to justify myself and put the blame on William.  At last I repented and then had to face the difficult task of admitting my bad attitude to William.  We were about to start off for a meeting where we were to preach together, and I said, ‘William, I am sorry.  I’m very sorry.  You sensed the coldness.’  ‘Yes, I felt the coldness, but I didn’t know what had happened.  What is it?’  ‘I became jealous of you.  Please forgive me.’  That dear brother got up and hugged me and we both shed tears of reconciliation.  My heart was warm, and when he preached, the message spoke to me deeply.”

Festo Kivengere, quoted in Richard K. MacMaster and Donald R. Jacobs, A Gentle Wind of God: The Influence of the East Africa Revival (Scottdale, 2006), page 212.

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2 thoughts on “Getting real, getting free”

  1. a. says:

    should not the shepherds feed the flock? Ez 34:2b

  2. KM says:

    Very simple, yet profound; how often I’ve found myself struggling with this exact situation. Thanks for sharing, Ray.

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Ray Ortlund


Ray Ortlund is senior pastor of Immanuel Church in Nashville, Tennessee, and serves as a Council member with The Gospel Coalition. You can follow him on Twitter.

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