As a family with a new baby we are going through that stage where everyone gets their call in to tell you who the baby looks like. It is always fun for me to hear the observations. As a parent, I too like to play this new-born game.
But the newborn game is not limited to newborns. This is of course, because of one of the more familiar, and yet, amazing aspects of humanity: by in large, children look and act like their parents.
I still find myself freshly impressed when I meet someone new with their children. Whether it is a a new family at church or the parents of one of the kids on my son’s baseball team, I come away almost laughing to myself as I notice mannerisms, appearance, and tone.
This can can be good and bad.
Recently in our home we had a few character issues bubble up and congregate together with some of our kids. As we addressed them it became obvious that one of the issues was that our kids were very proficient at being critical of other people. In fact, they had become extremely skilled at identifying, diagnosing and judging what some of their peers had done.
You may applaud this as discernment. But discernment not applied to one’s own heart is not a recipe for growth and maturity but hypocrisy.
What actually brought the situation to light was the fact that there were discipline issues in one of the children that absolutely mirrored their critique of another child. We pointed out how this disconnect can be disasterous.
In talking it also became increasingly clear that critiques are far more common than confessions. In other words, there are far fewer pleas for personal mercy because of sin than judgment on others based upon their misdeeds. We challenged the kids to think through their own sinfulness in light of God’s Word and the gospel.
Great parental advice, right? We’ll get them straightened around in short order. No problem.
Not quite.
Where did they get this? Exactly.
They live and breathe among me! They are learning this from me. Their X-Ray vision of criticality for others and personal blindness toward their own sin is perfect picture of what I must be reflecting to them. I could be doing this in my treatment of people outside the home, my wife, and even them. In fact, I am sure of it.
This is the type of reflection of the parent that is troubling. It is unsettling but not surprising. I hate it but I know it.
What do you do about it? What do I do about it?
Some thoughts directed toward myself:
- Don’t shrink from calling sin….sin. That is what it is. Right?
- Don’t shy away from confessing sin.
- Don’t neglect the priority and privilege of confessing the gospel. There is forgiveness to be found in Christ!
- Don’t neglect the blessing of believing the truth and privileges of the gospel.
- Don’t be so critical yourself. You stink a lot worse than you think.
As taken back as I am by similar facial features and mannerisms I am even more captivated by the reflection of my kids of my own sinful activity and patterns. I am also truly thankful that Christ has borne my sin and that he is working in and through the gospel for my good and his glory. The apple does not fall far from the tree and grace does not fall far from Christ. He is overflowing and more than abundant.
