How young is too young to spank your children?
This is a question I wish more Christians would ask. I have heard disturbing stories about new parents spanking their babies. And when I say babies I mean ages 6mos and under.
In most of these scenarios I think the parents are motivated by a desire to be biblical; they want to honor God by disciplining their children. After all, we know the Scriptures say,
Pro 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
Pro 23:14 If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.
The Bible clearly instructs parents to discipline their children. This is not debatable. However, what often gets lost somewhere along the way is what the rest of the Bible says about parenting.
Parents are commanded to not only discipline with the rod but also provide instruction to the mind and heart.
(Eph 6.4) Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
This is crucial to understand. Biblical discipline is never devoid of instruction. In fact, at its very heart it is instructive! There is the responsibility of the parent to instruct the child in what is wrong, what is right, why it is right, and what to do (I plan to say more about the gospel and parenting in a later post). Consider Colossians 3. Not only does God tell us what is wrong but what is right (and why we are to do what is right and not do what is wrong–ie Gospel).
Therefore, it is not only lacking biblical support but it is absolutely sinful to spank children and not explain or instruct them in the way in which they are to go. Furthermore, for parents to get angry, whack their children, and then yell something at them like, “Don’t do it again!” is not biblical discipline it is child abuse. The parents are lacking the evidence of grace. They are not being controlled by the Spirit (Gal. 5) and they are walking according to the flesh.
So now back to my original question: How young is too young?
Well, if we have in our minds that the children must be able to hear/receive instruction…then we have some obvious parameters. An infant can’t receive instruction. Parents should never spank their infant. If you know someone who is (and there is a movement of people who do) you need to pull them aside in Christian love and rebuke them.
As children get older, 8 months, 12 months, 24 months, etc…they begin to understand better. But at the same time you would not discipline an 11 month old the way you would a 7 year old. You may just flick their hand when they touch a light socket and then provide instruction that they might understand. The burden of providing instruction and discipline as controlled and compelled by God and his word is the priority.
The responsibility of parenting is sobering. We are stewards of children. There is a responsibility to protect, teach, discipline, and help them through life. Under no circumstances should the Christian walk in the flesh, satisfying sinful desires when disciplining their children. It is scary to think that even a good goal (discipline) can be used in harmful ways. Parents are to be loving models of compassion, faithfulness, love, and biblical fidelity. We are to reflect and point kids to Jesus.
